LOS ANGELES, CA — At the request of Hollywood executives, the California state government opened an inquiry into possible infiltration of the film industry by honest God-fearing, law-abiding American citizens who reject Communism.
Babylon Bee
$200,000 Spent On Travel Ball Finally Pays Off With Son’s $500 College Scholarship
FLORENCE, SC — The $200,000 invested by the Benson family on their son Brayden’s travel baseball team finally paid off, as he earned a $500 scholarship to Florence-Darlington Technical College.
Japanese Tourist Shamed For Returning Home With Only Five Hundred Million Photos Of Vacation
FLORENCE — Japanese tourist Keiko Haruto was instantly shamed by her friends and family after it was discovered that he had only taken roughly five hundred million photos during her European vacation.
Angel Reese Wins WNBA Layup Contest By Making One
CHICAGO, IL — Atlanta Dream forward Angel Reese won the prestigious WNBA Layup Contest after successfully making one.
Fauci Starting To Think That Maybe Keeping A Daily Perjury Diary Was A Bad Idea
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Former Chief Medical Advisor Dr. Anthony Fauci admitted to those close to him that he was starting to think that perhaps keeping a detailed daily "Perjury Diary" was a bad idea.
Aw, Nice: Someone Just Shouted ‘God Is the Greatest!’ In Arabic, So Something Really Good Must Be Happening
WORLD — Across the globe this past weekend, dozens of people had the great fortune to hear someone shouting "God is the greatest!" in Arabic, a sure sign that something really good was happening.
Elon Musk Acquires Total Ownership Of The Economist
AUSTIN, TX — Over the course of a ninety-minute transaction, Elon Musk became the sole and absolute owner of The Economist.
LeBron James: ‘I’m Taking My Receding Hairline To Philly’
LOS ANGELES, CA — LeBron James has made the final free agency decision of his career, announcing that he will be taking his receding hairline to Philadelphia.
Experts Baffled By Mysterious Mental Health Disorder That Causes People To Stab Jews
U.S. — Experts remain perplexed by a mysterious mental health disorder that causes people to stab Jews.
Wells Fargo Explains That Yes, They Gave All Your Money To A Hobo Named Frank, But Will Make Things Right By Coming To Your House To Murder You
HOUSTON, TX — Representatives for Wells Fargo explained to local customer Jim Stephens that they did give all of the money in his checking account to a random hobo, but the company would make things right by coming to Jim’s house to murder him and his family.