WASHINGTON, D.C. — Science has declined to answer any questions to avoid incriminating itself for crimes it may have committed.
Babylon Bee
The Babylon Bee’s Woman Of The Year Is Elliot Page
The Babylon Bee has selected Elliot Page as its annual Woman of the Year.
Church Trades Away Worship Leader For Youth Pastor And Usher To Be Named Later
KANSAS CITY, MO — With the annual deadline looming at the start of next week, a local church made a major move by trading away its worship leader for a new youth pastor and an usher to be named later.
Fauci Asks China To Engineer New Virus That Just Kills Rand Paul
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Sources close to Dr. Anthony Fauci reported that the former Chief Medical Director called his contacts in China this morning and asked if they could engineer a new virus that would just kill Senator Rand Paul.
Waymo Introduces New ‘Islam Mode’ That Sends Car To Mow Down Civilians
U.S. – Autonomous car giant Waymo introduced a new "Islam Mode" for passengers to select that will direct the car to mow down as many civilians as possible.
Meet Carl, The Last Remaining Person In Denver Who Isn’t Homeless
DENVER, CO — A local man attracted a surprising amount of attention in recent weeks for being the last remaining person in Denver who isn’t homeless.
8 Signs Your Car Might Have Been Radicalized
There are a lot of voices out there. Do you know which ones your car is listening to? If you’re not careful, your own vehicle may fall under the spell of a dangerous and radical ideology.
Mitch McConnell Honors Late Friend Lindsey Graham With 47-Day Moment Of Silence
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a touching moment, Senator Mitch McConnell honored his late friend and colleague, Lindsey Graham, with a solemn 47-day moment of silence.
Democrats Accuse Fauci’s Diary Of Attacking Science
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Democrats issued a forceful condemnation today of Dr. Anthony Fauci’s diary for its vicious attacks against science.
So-Called Christian Nationalist Hasn’t Even Posted Anything Overtly Hateful Online Yet Today
BOISE, ID — The credentials of one local man were called into question, as the so-called Christian Nationalist had yet to post anything overtly hateful on social media today.