NOT SATIRE: My family fled communism — and American media almost turned me INTO a communist.
Babylon Bee
Like Genghis Khan Gazing Over His Empire, Man Watches As Fixed Sprinkler No Longer Waters Driveway
OGDEN, UT — As the great Khan once stood admiring the vast reaches of his empire, so local man Philip Bauer stood this morning, watching as his freshly-repaired sprinkler no longer watered the driveway.
BREAKING: Wife Seems Upset; UPDATE: False Alarm — She Said ‘I’m Fine’
AKRON, OH — Curtis Whitaker noticed some subtle differences in his wife, Janie. Her face seemed on the verge of a frown as she kept glancing at him, and all her verbal interactions were very short and curt when usually Janie was quite loquacious.
9 Signs ‘Lord of the Rings’ Is Clearly A Pagan Work
NOT SATIRE: Help Share Genesis in Full Color Animation
Local Fan Way More Invested In Success Of Team Than Players On Actual Team Are
SAN DIEGO, CA — The San Diego Padres organization is reportedly concerned about local sports fan Lonny Philbin for being more invested in the success of the team than even the actual players.
China Visit Off To Rough Start After Trump Demands To Negotiate Directly With General Tso
BEIJING — Diplomatic talks between the United States and China reportedly got off to an awkward start after President Donald Trump demanded to negotiate directly with General Tso.
‘The View’ Announces All-New Cast Of Angry, Middle-Aged Women
U.S. — Longtime daytime talk show "The View" has announced that next season will feature an all-new cast of angry middle-aged women.
In Spite Of Novelty Sign, God Declines To Bless This Mess
TAMPA, FL — Heavenly sources have announced that the Almighty has declined to "Bless This Mess" in spite of the presence of a novelty sign requesting that He do so.
WebMD Adds Convenient ‘Draft My Last Will And Testament’ Option
U.S. — As part of ongoing efforts to empower the patient, medical website WebMD has added a convenient "Draft My Last Will And Testament" option for users researching their symptoms.
Dems Accuse Spencer Pratt Of Not Wanting To Destroy California
LOS ANGELES, CA — Democrats have unleashed vicious attack ads accusing L.A. mayoral candidate Spencer Pratt of not wanting to destroy the state of California.