TEHRAN — Sources close to the regime reported that Iranian President Masoud Pezeshkian expressed worry during his highly publicized X interview that this Tucker Carlson guy might be a little extreme.
Babylon Bee
‘That’s Neat Buddy,’ Says Dad Understanding Nothing Of What His Kid Just Told Him About Roblox
Local dad Sam Moore offered his son several vague affirmations this morning, understanding absolutely nothing of what he was being told about Roblox.
Nation Wondering If Government Gonna Bankrupt Us Anyway If Maybe They Could Buy Us All A Switch 2
U.S. — Citizens have begun wondering if the federal government couldn’t just buy everyone a Switch 2 if it’s already intent on bankrupting us anyways.
Thyroid Sick Of Getting Blamed For All Of Woman’s Character Flaws
FRITCH, TX — Local woman Denise Stanton’s thyroid gland has gotten increasingly fed up with getting blamed for all of her shortcomings.
Archaeologists Discover King Saul’s Ouija Board
JERICHO — Another fascinating piece of the biblical history puzzle fell into place this week, as archaeologists announced the discovery of what is believed to be the Ouija board used by King Saul.
Sorry Excuse For American Hasn’t Blown Off Single Finger With Fireworks
LEE’S SUMMIT, MO — As people across the nation prepared to celebrate the 4th of July holiday, one sorry excuse for an American revealed he had yet to blow off a single finger with fireworks.
Planned Parenthood Warns Funding Cut Will Result In Birth Of Thousands Of Babies
U.S. — Following the passing of President Donald Trump’s historic "Big Beautiful Bill" to set the government’s spending budget, Planned Parenthood warned that the massive funding cut would result in the birth of thousands of babies.
10 Exciting Changes Disney Is Bringing To The Indiana Jones Reboot
According to rumors, Disney and Lucasfilm are looking at rebooting the beloved Indiana Jones film series sans Harrison Ford, leading fans to speculate what dramatic changes are in store for everyone’s favorite archaeologist. The Babylon Bee is here with all the details.
Wail Of Agony Heard From Satan’s Office As Planned Parenthood Defunded
HELL — A wailing, screeching sound was heard from the Devil’s office today following the defunding of Planned Parenthood by the United States Government.
LOOOOL Check Out This So-Called ‘MAN’ Who’s Doing CARDIO (A Type Of Exercise For GIRLS)
Yo, get a load of this guy!