PORTLAND, OR — Despite urgent pleas from the public to address the chaos unleashed on the city by radical leftist terrorists, the mayor of Portland downplayed the threat of Antifa and announced that the group that had just lit him on fire was completely under control.
Babylon Bee
Supporters Ask Gavin Newsom To Stop Doing Meth Before Posting On Social Media
SACRAMENTO, CA — Governor Gavin Newsom has reportedly been advised by his closest supporters to stop doing meth before posting on social media for the sake of his political career.
Sad: Man Could Have Been Profoundly Moved By Classic Piece Of Literature If It Had Only Contained A Character Of His Exact Race, Sex, And Socio-Economic Class
COLUMBUS, OH — Sources close to local man Jevon Willis say that the 28-year-old was tragically deprived of the opportunity to be moved by Vergil’s "Aeneid" because the classical masterpiece did not contain a character of exactly his race, sex, and socio-economic class.
Doctors Find Most Effective Treatment For Clinical Depression Is Giggling Baby
U.S. – Researchers at the University of Maryland have discovered that the most effective treatment for clinical depression is a giggling baby.
Nation Not Really Clear Why Comey Being Indicted But Pretty Sure He Deserves It
U.S. — Americans were not quite sure what former FBI Director James Comey had been indicted for, but they felt very sure that he deserved it.
Democrat Heads To Gun Range To Practice For Debate
ANN ARBOR, MI — To get ready for a political debate at the University of Michigan campus, local Democrat Fred Phillips headed down to the gun range to practice.
King Saul’s Troubled Spirit Soothed By Sick New Effects Pedal David Got For His Harp
GIBEAH — According to sources, King Saul’s troubled spirit was soothed with the help of a sick new effects pedal David got for his harp.
New Report Indicates Only 3 People In Jan 6 Crowd Were Not FBI Agents
WASHINGTON, D.C. — According to a new report, only three people in the crowd at the U.S. Capitol on January 6, 2021, were not FBI agents.
Democrats Warn Prosecuting Political Enemies May Set Dangerous Precedent
U.S. — Democrats sounded the alarm over Trump’s prosecution of former FBI Director James Comey, warning that the prosecution of political opponents could set a dangerous precedent for America’s democracy.
7 Ways To Treat Your Headache Without Dangerous Tylenol
It’s official: According to the U.S. government, taking Tylenol is "not good." However, this raises questions about how people should treat their headaches going forward.