The Muslim Brotherhood was officially designated a terrorist organization by the Trump administration, but they weren’t the only ones.
Babylon Bee
Shire Doctors Link High Cancer Rate To Use Of Pipeweed
MICHEL DELVING — According to the Gaffer, medical professionals published a paper linking the high rate of cancer among Hobbits to the smoking of pipeweed, a correlation he called "queer."
Chicago Kicks Off Holiday Season By Unveiling Festive Red And Green Crime-Scene Tape
CHICAGO, IL — Residents of the Windy City noticed that it was beginning to look a lot like Christmas these days, as the Chicago Police Department kicked off the holiday season by unveiling festive red and green crime scene tape.
Woman Brings Home World’s Most Effective, Adorable Alarm Clock
LANSING, MI — Local woman Mildred Donavon reportedly impressed her friends and family this week when she brought home the world’s most effective and affordable alarm clock.
Suspicions Raised As Wormtongue’s X Account Reveals He’s Based In Isengard
Suspicions were raised around the internet as Wormtongue’s X account was revealed to have been created in Isengard.
Trump To Execute All Turkeys Pardoned By Biden’s Autopen
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Anguished gobbles were heard throughout the Beltway this morning, after news broke that President Donald Trump would be executing all the turkeys pardoned by former President Joe Biden’s autopen.
Pastor Installs ‘Heresy Gong’ For When Associate Pastor Preaches
AMARILLO, TX — Local pastor Robbie Ashlock has installed a "Heresy Gong" in the sanctuary for whenever the associate pastor is up to preach.
Average IQ In Congress Expected To Rise Rise Significantly After MTG Resigns
WASHINGTON, D.C. — With Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene announcing her resignation in January, the average IQ in Congress is expected to rise about 7,000 points.
Mom Continues Longstanding Tradition Of Making Cranberry Sauce For No One
LANSING, MI — Local mom Janet Fields has continued her decades-long tradition of making cranberry sauce for no one to eat.
‘I’m Going To Collect Nutcrackers,’ Explains Serial Killer
TOPEKA, KS — Local serial killer Roger Thompson spent all morning today explaining his deep passion for collecting nutcrackers.