U.S. — What luck! Your doctor appointment just got a lot better after he left you a cool skeleton to play with while you’re waiting for him.
Babylon Bee
Jake Tapper Uncovers Startling Evidence That Biden’s Decline Was Covered Up By Jake Tapper
U.S. — In a shocking exposé, CNN anchor Jake Tapper has revealed new evidence that Biden’s mental and physical decline was covered up for years by Jake Tapper.
Democrats Confused By Legal Immigrants Who Seem To Love America
U.S. — Democrat onlookers were baffled at the unusual sight of a group of immigrants arriving in the United States legally while waving patriotic American flags.
More Winning: Here’s Everything Trump Scored In The China Trade Deal
A new U.S.-China trade deal has just been inked by President Trump which promises to reduce tariffs and improve relations between the two nations. But it also comes with some other perks.
‘Run! Get Out While You Can!’ Scream Dying Ferns As Woman Brings In New Houseplant
DENVER, CO — Local woman Shaylyn Bridger brought home three new houseplants this week, prompting her half-dead ferns to scream at them to get out while they still could.
Dark Day For Democracy As Insurrectionists Storm Government Building
NEWARK, NJ — The United States was plunged into a collective period of mourning to observe what historians categorized as a "dark day for democracy" after a group of insurrectionists stormed a government building.
Colorado Rockies Accused Of Using Performance-Inhibiting Drugs
DENVER — Following an eight-game losing streak, the Colorado Rockies have been formally accused of taking performance-inhibiting drugs.
Trump Accepts Generous Gift Of Imperial-Class Star Destroyer From Emperor Palpatine
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The White House held a star-studded ceremony today to commemorate a historic occasion, as President Donald Trump accepted a generous gift of an Imperial-Class Star Destroyer from Emperor Palpatine.
Corinthian Church Really Hopes That Embarrassing Letter Paul Wrote About All Their Sexual Immorality Doesn’t Become Public
CORINTH — With the congregation of believers still dealing with the fallout from multiple scandals, the Corinthian church expressed hope that the letter the Apostle Paul wrote about all their sexual immorality wouldn’t become public.
Faux Pas: Man Gets Wife Something for Mother’s Day Even Though She’s Not His Mother
INDIANAPOLIS, IN — Local man Jacob Masterson committed an embarrassing faux pas this morning when he gave his wife a present for Mother’s Day even though she is not his mother.