WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump warned the public against chugging Windex and other off-brand window cleaners on Friday, causing millions of Democrats to chug Windex.
Babylon Bee
Kamala’s Audiobook Lets You Pick Which Kamala Accent You Want To Hear For Each Chapter
U.S. — The new memoir by the former vice president will include a revolutionary new feature, as publishers announced that Kamala Harris’s audiobook lets you pick which accent you want to hear for each chapter.
Americans Return To Not Watching Jimmy Kimmel By Choice
U.S. — With Jimmy Kimmel Live! back on the air, millions of Americans reported that they had reverted back to not watching Jimmy Kimmel by choice.
Hamas Calls On Democrats To Tone Down Violence
GAZA — Amid recent explosions of left-wing terrorism around the country, Hamas issued a rare public statement this morning to ask Democrats to please tone down the violence a little bit.
8 New Pictures Added To The Presidential Walk Of Fame
President Trump created a buzz yesterday by updating the White House’s Presidential Walk of Fame for historical accuracy, beginning with replacing President Joe Biden’s portrait with that of the autopen that did all his work for him.
Ammo Company Unveils New Giant Shell Casing With More Room For Left-Wing Terrorists To Write Out All Their Motives In Detail
U.S. — In a move to capitalize on the current heightened volatility of the political climate, one ammunition manufacturer unveiled a new giant shell casing with more room for left-wing terrorists to write out all their motives in detail.
Hillary Says We All Must Stop Pointing Fingers, As We All Know The Republicans Are To Blame
NEW YORK, NY — While appearing on MSNBC’s Morning Joe, former Secretary of State and First Lady Hillary Clinton called for unity amidst the onslaught of political violence, saying, "We must all stop pointing fingers, as we all know the Republicans are to blame."
7 Ways To Instantly Become More Attractive And Youthful Looking
People are always asking us: how do the writers at the Bee stay so hot and youthful? We decided to do the world a favor and give everyone a few tips on how you too can instantly become more attractive:
More Winning: Trump To Demolish UN Building And Replace With UFC Arena
NEW YORK — Trump’s Tuesday speech at the United Nations Headquarters in Midtown Manhattan will officially be his last as he has announced plans to demolish the building and replace it with a tremendous UFC Arena.
Holy Spirit Patiently Waiting For Key Change
TOPEKA, KS — As the congregation of Redeemer Church sang "Great Are You Lord", the Holy Spirit patiently waited for the key change to hit before moving through the congregation.