WASHINGTON, D.C. — Decades of fear were swept away for millions of Americans this week, as Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. announced that it’s actually fine to eat the stuff in the little pouch that says "DO NOT EAT."
Babylon Bee
ABC Unfires Jimmy Kimmel For Offensive Comments So They Can Instead Fire Him For Not Being Funny
BURBANK, CA — What had been a week of upheaval in the late-night television landscape came full circle on Monday, as ABC announced that they were unfiring Jimmy Kimmel for offensive comments so they could instead fire him for not being funny.
Calvinism In Decline After Trump And RFK Cure Autism
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Calvinism is reportedly in major decline after President Trump and Health Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. found the cure for autism.
CNN: Charlie Kirk Memorial ‘Mostly Hateful’
ATLANTA — CNN’s full coverage of this weekend’s memorial service for Charlie Kirk was nominated for an Emmy after they referred to the emotional, patriotic service as "mostly hateful."
7 Causes Of Autism Newly Revealed By RFK Jr.
Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. is hard at work narrowing down potential causes of autism, and some of them may shock you.
Canada Tries Clever Counter-Terrorism Strategy Of Giving Terrorists Everything They Want
OTTAWA, CANADA — In response to growing threats, Canada is pushing back against the Palestinian terror networks by employing a clever counter-terrorism strategy of giving terrorists whatever they want.
Awkward Moment As Trump And Elon Caught On Kiss Cam
GLENDALE, AZ — President Trump and Tesla CEO Elon Musk shared an awkward moment Sunday during the memorial for Charlie Kirk when they were both caught on a kiss cam.
Nazi Rally Inspires Millions To Forgive And Love Their Enemies
GLENDALE, AZ — Revival seems poised to sweep around the globe, as an enormous Nazi rally held at State Farm Stadium reportedly inspired millions of people throughout the world to forgive and love their enemies.
AOC Loses Debate Against Cardboard Cutout Of Charlie Kirk
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has come out on the decidedly losing end of a debate against a cardboard cutout of Charlie Kirk.
Satan: ‘I’ve Made A Huge Mistake’
U.S. — Surveying the hundreds of thousands gathered for Charlie Kirk’s memorial service, along with the millions watching across the globe, a despondent Satan declared that he had "made a huge mistake."