TUSCON, AZ – Local man Jeremy Briggs sadly discovered this week that his wife’s Amazon purchases single-handedly funded billionaire Jeff Bezos’s elaborate Italian wedding.
Babylon Bee
Bad Sign? Trump Shoots Lightning from His Fingertips While Screaming ‘Unlimited Power!’ After Latest SCOTUS Ruling
WASHINGTON, D.C. – In what some are taking as perhaps a bad omen, President Trump responded to the SCOTUS ruling on nationwide injunctions by screaming "UNLIMITED POWER!" and shooting lightning from his fingertips.
Man Wakes Up Filled With Regret For Not Having More To Drink Last Night
EVANSVILLE, IN — Local man Mark English woke up this morning deeply regretting that he didn’t have more alcohol last night.
Mexican Restaurant’s Authenticity Questioned After Experiencing Zero ICE Raids
ATLANTA, GA — Locals have begun questioning the authenticity of purported Mexican restaurant "El Bandido" as ICE has yet to raid the restaurant a single time.
Nation Celebrates First Anniversary Of Biden Beating Medicare
U.S. — The United States officially celebrated the first anniversary of former President Joe Biden announcing that he had finally defeated Medicare once and for all.
Who Should Be The Next James Bond?
Denis Villeneuve, director of the Dune films, has been tapped to helm the next film in the long-running James Bond film series. But who will play Ian Fleming’s master spy? Sources have said auditions are well underway, and some clear frontrunners are already under consideration.
That Tucker Carlson Sure Is A Moron [This Post Sponsored By The Jews]
Tucker Carlson is the worst person who has ever walked the face of the earth. Want to know why? Read on, friend, and we’ll tell you.
In Powerful Dissent, Ketanji Brown Jackson Simply Writes ‘Wakanda Forever’
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Following the U.S. Supreme Court’s latest ruling in favor of President Trump, Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson penned a scathing rebuke in a dissenting opinion where she simply wrote "Wakanda Forever."
20-Year Veteran VBS Leader Taken Up Into Heaven In Chariot Of Fire During Closing Program
KISSIMMEE, FL — VBS volunteers at First Baptist Church say that their veteran leader of 20 years was taken up into heaven in a chariot of fire during this year’s closing program.
Honest Pastor Brags About His Moderately Attractive Wife
EAST LONGMEADOW, MA — Congregants said Pastor Michael Boldman set a great example of honesty at Fruit of the Cross Church, where he reportedly bragged about his moderately attractive wife.