CAMBRIDGE, MA — The Department of Homeland Security announced that a massive terrorist sleeper cell was discovered hiding just outside of Boston, Massachusetts.
Babylon Bee
Wife Offers Husband Compromise: If He Lets Her Get Chickens She’ll Let Him Do All The Work
SALT LAKE CITY, UT — Local woman Rachel Gentry told her husband she’d compromise on her proposal to get a coop full of chickens by letting him do all the work if he let her get the backyard poultry.
Supreme Court Legalizes Trump Presidency
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Supreme Court issued a ruling this morning that it is legal for President Donald Trump to be the president.
‘God Works All Things Together For Good,’ Mutters Man As He Finds Perfect Parking Spot
SPRINGFIELD, MO — Evidence of things unseen was witnessed by one local believer today, as a man found reassurance of the Lord’s plan in his life after he managed to find the perfect parking spot.
7 Changes Mamdani Is Proposing For New York City
Following his victory in the Democratic Party primary, Zohran Mamdani is now the frontrunner for New York City mayor, and people are wondering what plans he may have in mind for the Big Apple.
Man Holding Out Hope Job Interviewer Will Ask Him How Much He Knows About Batman
NEW YORK — A New Jersey man applying for a job on Wall Street admitted to being nervous going into a job interview at investment banking firm Morgan Stanley and was reportedly holding out hope that the interviewer would ask him how much he knows about Batman.
Pete Hegseth Vows Military Will Not Discriminate Against Chicks, Broads, Or Dames
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth responded to allegations of sexism on Thursday by vowing that the United States military would never discriminate against chicks, broads, or dames.
In Historic 6-3 Supreme Court Decision, 3 Justices Ruled To Be Morons
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Ramifications were predicted to be felt for generations after today, as in a historic 6-3 Supreme Court decision, 3 justices were ruled to be morons.
Democrats Discover Innovative Strategy Of Promising Free Stuff To Stupid People
NEW YORK, NY — Democratic Party strategists were thrilled this week after they stumbled upon an innovative new strategy of winning elections by promising free stuff to stupid people.
Ayatollah Proudly Announces Iran Has Destroyed 14 Bunker Buster Bombs With Its Nuclear Facilities
TEHRAN — Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini declared a resounding victory over the United States and Israel after Iran destroyed 14 American bunker buster bombs with its nuclear facilities.