KYOTO — The "Duck Hunt Dog" from the classic video game Duck Hunt has died, Nintendo announced Friday.
Babylon Bee
Pitching Machine Tosses No-Hitter Against Local Dad
RANCHO-CUCAMONGA, CA — In a historic display of baseball prowess, a pitching machine tossed a no-hitter against local dad Keith Malvern.
After PBS Defunded, All Sesame Street Characters Forced To Move In With Oscar
SESAME STREET — Following President Donald Trump’s executive order to strip federal funding from PBS, residents of Sesame Street were forced to pack their bags and move in with Oscar the Grouch just to survive.
‘Hey Man, Want Any Red No. 40?’ Asks Dealer Opening Trench Coat
CHICAGO, IL — Authorities are advising citizens to avoid secluded alleyways due to reports of a suspicious individual wearing a trench coat who allegedly tries to sell people Red Dye No. 40, a known contraband.
Man From Pennsylvania Under Impression He Has Eaten Mexican Food
SCRANTON, PA — A group of friends received a detailed critique of popular south-of-the-border cuisine recently from a Pennsylvania man who was apparently under the impression that he had eaten actual Mexican food before.
Tim Walz Volunteers To Wear Gorilla Suit And Wrestle 100 Men
ST. PAUL, MN — Amid online controversy about whether 100 men could defeat one gorilla, former VP candidate Tim Walz has graciously volunteered this week to don a Gorilla suit and wrestle 100 men.
Trump Secures Nifty Geode In Ukrainian Minerals Deal
WASHINGTON, D.C. — As part of a finalized Ukrainian minerals deal, President Trump has reportedly received a nifty little geode he can show off to friends.
Bad Timing: Kilmar Abrego Garcia Honored With MS-13 ‘Employee Of The Month’ Award
HYATTSVILLE, MD — Any goodwill extended toward a controversially deported El Salvadorian man took a hit this week due to a case of bad timing, as Kilmar Abrego Garcia was honored with MS-13’s "Employee of the Month" award.
11 Easy Ways To Beat A Gorilla In A Fight
Everyone right now is wondering whether 100 men could beat one gorilla in a fight, but the answer is incredibly simple.
Democrats Show Solidarity With MS-13 By Getting New Face Tattoos
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a beautiful display of solidarity with deported gang members, top Democrats had "MS-13" tattooed directly onto their foreheads.