WASHINGTON, D.C. — On the heels of the public announcement that the couple was expecting their fourth child this summer, Second Lady Usha Vance gently informed the Vice President that they would not be naming their baby boy "Thomas Bombadil Vance."
Babylon Bee
Wondering If ICE Is Doing Something Evil? Check Out Our Flowchart!
ICE is all over the news lately, with conflicting reports about what’s actually happening. Many people have been left wondering if ICE agents are upholding the law and keeping Americans safe or perpetrating acts of evil on innocent people.
Wife’s Love Language Is Sending You Instagram Reels You Don’t Watch
U.S. — The new report released this week indicated that your wife’s love language had been confirmed to be sending you Instagram reels every day that you don’t watch.
REPORT: If You Read This Headline You Are A Racist DO NOT READ
URGENT — A new report indicates that if you read this headline, you are, in fact, a racist.
Gleeful Weatherman Excitedly Announces Dangerous Storm Likely To Kill Everyone
TOLEDO, OH — Local weatherman Glen Dickson gleefully informed CBS 11 viewers that a giant storm was heading their way and that it was likely to kill everyone in its path.
First Astronauts On Mars Greeted By Mormon Missionaries
MARS — In what scientists called the most significant discovery in the history of space exploration, the first astronauts to touch down on the Red Planet were greeted on Friday by two young men in short-sleeved white dress shirts and black name tags.
Aging George Soros Hoping To Ruin Just One More Country Before The End
KATONAH, NY — As the geopolitical landscape continued to prepare for a changing of the guard, aging billionaire powerbroker George Soros expressed hope that he could ruin just one more country before the end.
‘Sinners’ Nominated For ‘Best Movie We Have To Nominate Or Else We Will Be Called Racist’
HOLLYWOOD, CA — The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences released its list of Oscar nominees for 2026, with Sinners being nominated for "Best Movie We Have To Nominate Or Else We Will Be Called Racist."
Apple Engineers Working Feverishly To Somehow Make Next iOS Update Even Worse
CUPERTINO, CA — Sources within Apple’s Software Engineering Division confirmed that their team was working around the clock to make the next iOS update even worse than the current one.
Ms. Rachel Apologizes For Accidentally Spray-Painting ‘Go Away Jews’ On A Synagogue
NEW YORK, NY — The woman behind YouTube’s most popular and beloved educational content for children found herself in hot water, as Ms. Rachel issued a public apology for accidentally spray-painting "GO AWAY JEWS" on a synagogue.