WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Trump has revealed his plan to seize Australia, cash in its two-troop continent bonus each turn, wait for the other armies to deplete each other, and then launch an invasion of Asia.
Babylon Bee
Hole In Man’s Heart Turns Out To Be In Shape Of Mini-Excavator
TYLER, TX — Local man Ryan Jennings discovered today that the hole in his heart was actually in the precise shape of a seven-ton mini-excavator.
Trump’s New Rose Garden Signage Deemed ‘Tacky,’ ‘Overwrought’
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Despite its lavish overhaul to provide the iconic landscaping with a much-needed facelift for 2026, President Donald Trump’s new White House Rose Garden signage was deemed by pundits to be "tacky" and "overwrought."
9 Astonishing Facts You Didn’t Know About Heaven
Heaven is known to be a place of eternal comfort and rest for God’s people (and way better than Hell), but what is it like really?
St. Peter Shows Scott Adams To His Glorious Heavenly Cubicle
HEAVEN — Celestial sources say that Scott Adams, creator of the "Dilbert" comic strip, has just been shown to the glorious heavenly cubicle where he will spend the rest of eternity praising God.
Supreme Court Justices Bring In Ms. Rachel To Explain Cases To Ketanji Brown Jackson
WASHINGTON, D.C. — With arguments being presented on issues that will have far-reaching effects on shaping the future of American laws, society, and culture, the other eight Supreme Court justices brought in Ms. Rachel to explain cases to Ketanji Brown Jackson.
U.S. Offers To Trade Its Liberal Women For Iranian Women
WASHINGTON, D.C. — As part of ongoing efforts to improve things in both countries, the United States reportedly made an official diplomatic offer to trade all of its liberal women for Iranian women.
Protesters Protest For Higher Protesting Wage
MINNEAPOLIS, MN — Protesters hard at work sowing chaos in the city because of ICE raids and the death of Renee Good have reportedly transitioned over to protesting for a higher protesting wage.
Gotham’s Liberal Women Gather Outside Arkham To Protest Arrest Of The Joker
GOTHAM CITY — Justice faced a new obstacle in the wake of the Batman’s latest daring feat, as Gotham’s liberal women gathered outside Arkham Asylum to protest the vigilante’s arrest of the Joker.
The Official Babylon Bee NFL Playoff Betting Guide
Don’t gamble, you sinner.