NEW YORK, NY — Mayor Zohran Mamdani declared an official budget crisis in the city after having completely run out of other people’s money.
Babylon Bee
After Seeing Ben Sasse’s Incredible Faith And Character, Nation Understands Why He Had To Leave Politics
UNITED STATES — After seeing Ben Sasse’s incredible faith in God and upstanding moral character, the nation now understands why the former senator had to leave politics behind.
Dad Splits Commute Time Between Worshipping The Lord Jesus Christ And Cursing Out Bad Drivers
LEE’S SUMMIT, MO — Traveling to and from work followed its standard pattern this morning, as a local dad once again split his commute between worshipping the Lord Jesus Christ and cursing out bad drivers.
Vegan Crossfitter Cyclist Unsure What To Tell You About First
SANTA MONICA, CA — According to sources, a local vegan Crossfitter cyclist has become increasingly frustrated in his social life because he never knows what to tell people about first.
‘Is It Too Late To Ask Who Gerry Mander Is?’ KBJ Whispers To Clarence Thomas
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Shortly before the United States Supreme Court issued its ruling on Louisiana’s proposed redrawing of its congressional map, Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson reportedly asked fellow Justice Clarence Thomas if it was too late to ask who this "Gerry Mander" person was.
Facing Budget Crisis, Mamdani Calls His Parents To Ask If He Can Borrow $4 Billion
NEW YORK CITY, NY — Facing a significant budget crisis, Mayor Zohran Mamdani confirmed he had called his mother to ask if he can borrow $4 billion.
Poll Shows Majority Of Democrats Believe Lincoln Assassination Staged
U.S. — The growing rift between the political right and left in the country became even more evident this week, as a new poll showed that a majority of Democrats believe the Lincoln assassination was staged.
In Blow To Democrats, SCOTUS Rules They Have To Stop Being Racist
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a devastating setback to the Democratic Party, the United States Supreme Court ruled today that they have to stop being racist.
Trump Presents King Charles With Gift Of Toothbrush
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Trump presented King Charles with a beautiful new toothbrush as part of the monarch’s visit to the United States.
Megachurch Torn Between Supporting Missionaries To India Or Adding Pickleball Courts
FURLOW, AR — Leadership at local megachurch Cross Action Worship (CAW) was reportedly torn this week between supporting missionaries to India and having pickleball courts installed.