SAN ANGELO, TX — During a recent prayer group meeting at New Covenant Church, local man Steve Farmer expressed longing for the good old days when all the obscene smut out in the world was heterosexual.
Babylon Bee
Man Knows He’s Finally Made It After Getting 2nd Fridge Just For Drinks In The Garage
RANCHO CUCAMONGA, CA — Local man Jim Crest leaned his back against the wall and marveled at the second fridge in his garage, realizing for the first time that he had finally made it in life.
Macklemore Performs Concert In Gaza And Oh No! They’ve Thrown Him Off A Roof
GAZA — In a bold act of solidarity, Grammy-winning rapper Macklemore staged a surprise rooftop concert in Gaza on Wednesday, performing his gay anthem "Same Love," before being promptly thrown off the roof by terrorists.
10 Ways To Entertain Your Toddler
Raising a toddler can be a challenge, but entertaining your toddler can be even more difficult. It’s not uncommon for parents to run out of ideas for ways to keep kids busy. The Babylon Bee is here to help.
Mitch McConnell Returns To Senate As Force Ghost
WASHINGTON, D.C. — One of the mainstays of America’s legislative branch was once again seen roaming the corridors of the U.S. Capitol building, as Mitch McConnell returned to the Senate as a Force ghost.
Savannah Bananas Manager Chews Out Player For Not Goofing Around
SAVANNAH, GA — Fans at Sunday’s Savannah Bananas game at historic Grayson Stadium were shocked to see an element of seriousness infiltrate their beloved sport, as Manager Tyler Gilum publicly chewed out one of his players for not goofing around.
Sydney Sweeney Tries To Gain Support Of Liberal Women By Murdering Multiple Children
LOS ANGELES, CA — Scandal struck Hollywood this week, as actress and businesswoman Sydney Sweeney attempted to gain support among liberal women by murdering multiple children.
Study: Majority Of Christians Will Replace Holy Spirit With ChatGPT By 2028
U.S. — According to a new study conducted by the Barna Group, a majority of Christians were likely to replace the Holy Spirit with ChatGPT by the year 2028.
Supreme Court Rules Securing Elections Unconstitutional
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a landmark decision just weeks before people head to the polls to vote in the midterms, the United States Supreme Court ruled that securing elections was unconstitutional.
Apostle Paul Hoping No One Notices The Armor Of God Does Not Include Pants
ROME — The Apostle Paul reportedly expressed anxiety that believers might scrutinize the details of his epistle to the Ephesians and notice that the Armor of God does not include pants.