WASHINGTON, D.C. — With a hard-set face betrayed by tears, President Donald Trump was seen taking Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem out back behind the White House woodshed.
Babylon Bee
8 New Jobs Dan Crenshaw Has His Eye On
Following his primary loss to Steve Toth, Texas Congressman Dan Crenshaw is now looking for a new career path.
U.S. Air Force Destroys $3,200 Iranian Regime Toyota With $30-Million Smart Bomb
TEHRAN — The United States Air Force confirmed a major strategic victory in Iran this week after it utilized a $30 million smart bomb to destroy one of Iran’s used $3,200 Toyota pickup trucks.
‘Mmm, I Love Coffee,’ Says Woman Drinking Chocolate Milk With Single Drop Of Espresso
MILWAUKEE, WI — Sources revealed that Stephany Sumner, 37, was entirely unable to restrain herself from talking about how much she loved coffee after taking a sip of chocolate milk with a single drop of espresso in it.
Iranian Regime Calls White House To Ask If They Can Have Biden Back
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Faced with the threat of their total annihilation, the Islamic Republic of Iran reportedly contacted the White House on Thursday to ask if they could "please have Joe Biden back."
Congress Pledges To Work Tirelessly To Expose All Sex Criminals Who Aren’t In Congress
WASHINGTON, D.C. — With tensions rising both domestically and around the world, members of the United States Congress gave the American people a solemn pledge to work tirelessly to expose all sex criminals who aren’t in Congress.
American Values Under Attack: County Replaces 4-Way Stop With Roundabout
BATESVILLE, IN — In what many called a brazen attack on cherished American values, the Ripley County Board of Commissioners announced that it had elected to replace a local 4-way stop with one of those roundabouts.
7 Tips For Christian Women To Dress Modestly
It can be difficult to find modest attire when you’re a Christian woman, what with all the competing expectations. Fortunately, we at the Babylon Bee are not just prophets – we’re also fashion experts. Here are seven simple tips for Christian ladies to dress modestly:
America Graciously Converts 20 Iranian Warships Into New Submarines
PERSIAN GULF — In a sign of enormous good will, American forces helpfully converted 20 Iranian warships into submarines.
To Save Time, Iran Appoints Supreme Leader Who Is Already Dead
TEHRAN — Following the death of Ayatollah Ali Khamenei and a significant portion of the nation’s leadership, the Assembly of Experts, charged with choosing the next Ayatollah, have opted to appoint a new supreme leader who is already dead.