NEW YORK, NY — A statement from the mayor’s office confirmed Zohran Mamdani was following the situation in Venezuela very closely and would have more to report after his classified morning briefing, which he receives from watching The View.
Babylon Bee
Democrats Solemnly Remember The Only Riot They Didn’t Like
WASHINGTON, D.C. — On the anniversary of the January 6, 2021, incident at the U.S. Capitol, Democrat lawmakers gathered together once again to solemnly remember the only riot they didn’t like.
7 Simple Ways To Be A Better Christian This Year
If you’re hoping to make good on your New Year’s resolution to become a better Christian than you’ve come to the right place. The staff of The Babylon Bee has collectively read the Bible at least once, so we know a thing or two about being a better…
Trump To Choose Next Venezuelan President In Inaugural Season Of ‘El Aprendiz’
CARACAS — Following the deposition of dictator Nicolas Maduro, the White House announced that Donald Trump would make his return to reality television to choose the next Venezuelan president in the inaugural season of El Aprendiz.
Trump Leads Seal Team To Capture Rogue Dictator Gavin Newsom
SACRAMENTO, CA — Only days after the toppling of the Maduro regime in Venezuela, news broke Monday morning that President Donald Trump had led a Navy SEAL team to capture rogue dictator Gavin Newsom.
Thoughtful Husband Purposely Does Numerous Things Wrong Because He Knows How Much His Wife Loves Nagging
TWIN FALLS, ID — A thoughtful husband is being recognized for purposely doing numerous things wrong because he knows how much his wife loves nagging.
Liberals Quickly Change ‘No Kings’ Signs To Read ‘Yes Kings’ In Support Of Maduro
U.S. — Liberal protesters have taken to the streets to protest the U.S. government’s arrest of Nicolás Maduro by quickly switching their "NO KINGS" signs to instead read "YES KINGS."
Tim Walz Retiring To Spend More Time In Prison
British Ask If Trump Can Please Do That Same Thing With Keir Starmer
LONDON, UK — In the wake of the swift capture and extradition of Venezuelan dictator Nicolas Maduro, millions of ordinary British citizens have asked if Trump could please come do that same thing with Prime Minister Keir Starmer.
Man’s High School Hacky Sack Skills Woefully Underprepared Him For Adult Life
SAN JOSE, CA — Local man Jeremy Gibbons’ incredible hacky sack skills have somehow left him woefully unprepared for adult life.