PLYMOUTH, MA — In the wake of Lindsay Clancy’s murder case ending in a mistrial, several jurors have publicly accused the lone holdout juror of being stubbornly hung up on the technicality that the defendant had, in fact, committed the crimes she was accused of.
Babylon Bee
Dave Ramsey Appalled As Millennial Caller Admits He’s Paid Full Price For ‘Ocarina Of Time’ On 7 Different Occasions
U.S. — The Ramsey Show was cut short on Wednesday when host Dave Ramsey became obviously frustrated with a millennial caller who confessed to paying full price for The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time on seven different occasions.
Friend Who Completely Forgot About Fantasy Draft Projected To Win Handily
GRAIN VALLEY, MO — The 2026 NFL season is kicking off this week, and as millions of fans set their rosters and starting lineups for the first week, one man who had completely forgotten about last night’s fantasy football draft was projected to win the championship handily.
9 Rejected ‘VeggieTales’ Episodes
There have been over 150 episodes of the beloved children’s cartoon VeggieTales across all its iterations, but not every idea the writers had made it onto your screens. As with any show, certain scenes and even whole episodes sometimes got left on the cutting room floor.
GOP Heads To Dallas For Advice From Cowboys On Blowing It In November
DALLAS, TX — With the pivotal midterm elections less than two months away, the nation’s most prominent members of the Republican Party prepared to gather in Dallas to get advice from the Cowboys on how to blow everything in November.
The Babylon Bee Interviews The Lindsay Clancy Jury
With millions of Americans struggling to understand how the Lindsay Clancy jury came within a hair’s breadth of finding the self-confessed murderer "not guilty", The Babylon Bee investigative team set to work. We interviewed all twelve jurors about the case, and here is what each one had to…
Child Tragically Reaches Age Where He Knows He’s Not Actually Playing Video Game
SEDONA, AZ — Local five-year-old Marcus Townsend unfortunately crossed the dreaded Rubicon of knowing whether he was actually playing a video game or if his parents were just pretending.
News Station Adds Chick-Fil-A Drive Thru Wait Times To Traffic Report
LUBBOCK, TX — In an effort to better serve residents, one local news station added Chick-Fil-A drive-thru wait times to its morning traffic report.
Disciples Shocked As Apostle Paul Returns From Prison Tattooed And Totally Ripped
PHILIPPI — According to sources, the disciples at Lydia’s house were shocked to see that Paul had returned from prison covered in tattoos and "totally ripped".
God Promises To Spare Massachusetts If State Can Find 12 Competent Jurors
BOSTON, MA — A new report revealed that God promised to spare the state of Massachusetts if legal officials there can find at least 12 competent residents to serve as jury members.