MILANO — As the 2026 Milano Cortina Olympics came to a close, athletes from various nations participated in the traditional send-offs for their respective sports, with the Olympic curlers being lowered into the carbon-freezing chamber until the next winter games.
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U.S. Hockey Team Melts Down Gold Medals to Replace Missing Teeth
MILAN, ITALY — Following their victory over Canada, the US Olympic Hockey Team has continued celebrating by melting down their gold medals to replace all their missing teeth.
Canada Now Officially An American Province
U.S. – After defeating Canada at the only thing it was supposedly good at, the entire territory of Canada has been officially declared an American province.
Communists Once Again Suck At Hockey
Black Man In Utah Obviously Lost
UTAH — A black man was seen in Utah today, obviously lost.
Top 10 Most Brilliant Disguises Of James O’Keefe
Investigative journalist James O’Keefe, famous for going undercover to source his groundbreaking stories, has built a legendary reputation as an unparalleled master of disguise.
American Women’s Bobsled Team Comes In Last After Stopping To Ask For Directions
CORTINA D’AMPEZZO — The gold medal hopes of one pair of U.S. athletes were dashed this week, as the American women’s bobsled team came in last place after stopping to ask for directions.
California Truck Driver Cited For Being Legal U.S. Resident
SAN DIEGO, CA — During a routine traffic stop, a California truck driver with a valid Class A driver’s license was reportedly pulled over by law enforcement and cited after officers discovered he was a legal U.S. resident.
Tucker Uncovers Shocking Evidence That Israel Controlled By Jews
TEL AVIV — Shortly after landing at Ben Gurion Airport to conduct an interview with U.S. Ambassador Mike Huckabee, commentator Tucker Carlson reportedly uncovered shocking evidence that Israel is controlled by the Jews.
Gavin Newsom’s Presidential Ambitions Sunk After Nation Discovers He’s The One Running California
SACRAMENTO, CA — Governor Gavin Newsom’s presidential prospects tanked sharply this week after the nation finally realized he was the guy running California.