SACRAMENTO, CA — Buoyed by recent efforts to teach "Black English" in California schools, a new coalition of activists demanded that "Girl Math" be officially incorporated into the state’s K-12 math curriculum.
Babylon Bee
Conspiracy Theorist Changes Mind After Being Presented With Evidence, Logic [Satire]
SPRINGFIELD, MO — After being presented with evidence, local conspiracy theorist Sam Baxter changed his mind, rationally thinking things through and coming to a more logical conclusion.
Embattled Platner Flees To Argentina
BUENOS AIRES — American politician Graham Platner suspended his race for the U.S. Senate this week amid allegations of sexual assault and Nazism, and reportedly fled to Argentina.
Dad’s Plan To Work At Home Foiled By People At Home
BROWNWOOD, TX — Local dad Grayson Kenny found his plan to work from home today utterly foiled by the people in his home.
Little League Team Excited For Chubby Kid’s Family To Bring The Snacks
MEDINA, OH — The excitement was palpable this afternoon on the bench of a local little league team after word spread that the chubby kid’s family was bringing the game snacks.
Nazi Really Regretting Getting Graham Platner Tattoo
BANGOR, ME — In the wake of the Democratic nominee suspending his Senate campaign, local Nazi Wade Marks expressed regret over getting his Graham Platner tattoo.
Introverted Conference Attendee Torn Between Participating In Icebreaker And Throwing Self Off Bridge
BROOKLYN, NY — Introverted conference attendee Art Pendelton was torn this morning between participating in a mandatory icebreaker or throwing himself off a bridge.
10 Best Candidates To Replace Graham Platner
Democrats are scrambling to come up with alternate options in the race for a U.S> Senate seat in Maine, where primary winner Graham Platner faces mounting calls to drop out. But who could the party come up with to take his place?
GOP Senators Reassure Public They Spoke With Mitch McConnell Just This Morning By Going To Witch Of Endor
WASHINGTON, D.C — GOP senators responded to concerns about the health of Kentucky Senator Mitch McConnell by assuring the public they had spoken with him, just this morning in fact, by consulting with a medium identified as the Witch of Endor.
MLB Introduces New Rule Where Batters Can Challenge Umpire To A Duel
NEW YORK, NY — As part of its ongoing effort to modify the game and update it to improve the accuracy of its officiating, Major League Baseball announced on Wednesday that it was instituting a new rule where batters could challenge the umpire to a duel.