WASHINGTON, D.C. — In an emotional tribute to the fallen longtime South Carolina senator, President Donald Trump announced today the implementation of the "Lindsey Graham Memorial Strait of Hormuz Blockade."
Babylon Bee
Man Informs Wife He Can’t Mow The Lawn Today As He Is Busy Playing Lawn Mowing Simulator
BIRMINGHAM, AL — Local man Brett Callahan informed his wife that he wouldn’t be able to mow the lawn today as he was completely tied up playing a lawn-mowing simulator.
Uh Oh: Mamdani’s New NYC Map Includes ‘Little Auschwitz’ In Brooklyn
NEW YORK CITY — Concerns over Mayor Zohran Mamdani’s "Immigrant Enclave Map" have grown after it was noted that the Mayor had added a "Little Auschwitz" in the middle of Brooklyn.
Democrat Voters Excited To See Who Party Will Unilaterally Nominate Next
AUGUSTA, ME — With their ballots now chucked in the garbage, Democratic voters are once again excitedly waiting to see who the Party leaders will choose to be their nominee.
Newsom: ‘We Finna Teach Da Homies To Talk Black English Yo’
SACRAMENTO, CA — Following reports that activists were pushing the introduction of Black English in California preschools, Governor Gavin Newsom proudly proclaimed: "We finna teach da’ homies Black English, yo!"
Romance In The Air As Wife Not Wearing Mouthguard
ABILENE, KS — Romance was in the air at the Farris household as wife Allison was seen getting ready for bed without her mouthguard in place.
Average Price Of New Home In California Hits $1 Quadrillion
SACRAMENTO, CA — Californians struggling to afford the cost of living in the state were hit hard once again, as it was revealed that the average price of a new home in California had now hit $1 quadrillion.
Democrats Worried Platner Might Decide To Force Himself Onto Ballot Without Party’s Consent
AUGUSTA, ME — The Democratic Party reportedly grew concerned that former candidate Graham Platner might force himself onto the ballot without the party’s consent.
Candace Owens Confirmed To Be A Jewish Plot To Make Antisemites Look Retarded
U.S. — The White House confirmed on Friday what many had long suspected: that podcast host Candace Owens is an elaborate Jewish plot to make antisemites look retarded.
U.S., Iran Meet For Emergency Summit To See If Anyone Remembers Why They’re Fighting
DOHA — The United States and Iran convened an emergency summit in Qatar to see if anyone remembers why the two countries are at war.