DANBURY, CT — According to sources, a toddler has reportedly put herself up for adoption after witnessing his mother scrolling through Lindsay Clancy TikTok.
Babylon Bee
Tim Walz To Head Up Vikings Cheerleader Squad
MINNEAPOLIS, MN — Governor Tim Walz made a special appearance at U.S. Bank Stadium on Friday, marking his first appearance as head cheerleader for the Minnesota Vikings.
Woman Praying That The Lord’s Will Be Done As Long As It’s The Same As Her Will
POUGHKEEPSIE, NY — A local woman reportedly dedicated herself to praying day and night that the Lord’s will be done for her, but only so long as it is the same as her will.
Lindsay Clancy Surges To Commanding Lead As 2028 Democrat Front-Runner
U.S. — New poll numbers released this week showed Lindsay Clancy surging into the frontrunner position in the race to become the 2028 Democratic presidential nominee.
Suspicions Of Ayatollah’s Death Rise After His Name Appears On California Voter Rolls
SACRAMENTO, CA — After months of speculation about Ayatollah Mojtaba Khamenei’s health, suspicions of his demise arose once more after his name was discovered on the California voter rolls.
NFL Hoping A White Player Will Eventually Make It Into End Zone To See ‘End Racism’ Message
U.S. — The National Football League expressed hope that this would finally be the season when a white player would make it to the end zone and see the "End Racism" message.
Unlucky: 6th Grader Flunks Geography After Trump Renames Everything In Middle Of Exam
MEDINA, OH — In a terribly unlucky break, local sixth-grader Mackenzie Warner completely flunked her geography test after President Trump renamed everything right in the middle of the exam.
Satan Wondering If He Went Too Far With Feminism
HELL — The Prince of Darkness admitted he may have made a big mistake, as Satan reportedly wondered if he had gone too far when he orchestrated the modern feminist movement.
10 Notable Historical Events Experts Now Believe Were Caused By Postpartum Depression
Before the trial of Lindsay Clancy, everyone thought postpartum depression was a myth. But now society as a whole understands that the sudden drop in hormones after a woman has a baby really can cause intense sadness, anxiety, and disastrous historical events.
Too Far? Trump Renames Hockey ‘Gay Ice Football’
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Concerns arose even within the White House that President Donald Trump may have taken his battle with Canada too far after he signed an executive order to rename hockey "Gay Ice Football."