WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump unveiled plans on Thursday for the construction of a massive Triumphal Double Golden Arch in the nation’s capital.
Babylon Bee
‘It’s Not My Job To Be Funny,’ Says Comedian
LOS ANGELES, CA — A comedian who is paid millions of dollars annually to make people laugh appeared on a podcast to explain to the American people that it is not his job to be funny.
Atheist Missionary Wonders If You Have A Few Minutes To Talk About Nothing
PORTLAND, OR — Local residents were greeted Saturday morning by an atheist missionary who politely asked if they had a few moments to talk about nothing.
Mamdani Says City-Run Supermarket Will Be Ready In 3 Years But Recommends Getting In Line for Bread Now
NEW YORK, NY — Mayor Zohran Mamdani announced that the city was going to spend a whopping $30 million on his city-run supermarket, with the project expected to take three years to build.
Revealed: 10 Other Things That Satan Tempted Jesus With
Californians Move To Texas Episode 2 Is Out Now!
Fresh brisket is on the board!
The Somali Community Of Minnesota Would Like To Remind America That Today Is Tax Day
ST. PAUL, MN — Tax Day is here and Minnesota’s vibrant Somali community would like to remind everyone that the deadline to file is midnight.
Couple Worries Having A Baby Could Cut Into Time They Spend Sitting On The Couch Staring At Their Phones
AUSTIN, TX — Local couple Tyler and Madison Hansen expressed grave concerns this week that having a baby might significantly disrupt the many hours a day they currently spend sitting three inches apart on the sofa staring at their respective iPhones in total silence.
‘HI BARACK!’ Yells Biden As Car Passes House With A Lawn Jockey
WILMINGTON, DE — Secret Service agents reportedly looked at each other and shook their heads on Wednesday, as former President Joe Biden committed an unfortunate act of mistaken identity while his motorcade passed a house with a lawn jockey.
Trump Complains He’s Being Crucified For Comparing Himself To Jesus
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Just days removed from a controversy that arose after he shared an image on social media that drew allegations of blasphemy, President Donald Trump complained that he was being crucified for comparing himself to Jesus.