U.S. — Singer-songwriter Billie Eilish unveiled a brand-new perfume on Friday called "Socialism," which will retail for just $72,000.
Babylon Bee
7 Tragic World Events As Reported By The Canadian Broadcasting Corp.
Millions were stunned this week when the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation ordered its anchors to refer to 9/11 as "jet crashes," strictly instructing the avoidance of terms like "terrorist attacks." However, this really wasn’t a change for the CBC, which has always had a unique voice for news.
Man Will Continue Listening To Wife’s Story About House Being On Fire Just As Soon As This Helicopter Passes
ONTARIO, CA — Local man Nathan Williams reportedly told his wife he’d be happy to hear more about their house being on fire just as soon as a helicopter finished passing by.
Darline Graham Quietly Googles ‘What Does A Senator Do?’
LEXINGTON, SC — Darline Graham, sister of the late Senator Lindsey Graham, who was appointed to finish her brother’s term after his sudden passing, was reportedly seen quietly googling "What do senators do?"
Arte Moreno Finally Arrested For Gross Negligence Of The Los Angeles Angels
ANAHEIM, CA — The Los Angeles area of Anaheim breathed a collective sigh of relief today after authorities finally arrested owner Arte Moreno for his gross negligence of the Los Angeles Angels baseball team.
El-Sayed Forces Democrats To Take Stance On Whether Terrorism Is Good
U.S. — Democrats descended into disarray this week as swirling controversies around Senate candidate Abdul El-Sayed forced the party to take a position on whether terrorism is good.
‘It’s Fine,’ Says Introvert Who Ordered Mashed Potatoes And Instead Received A Concrete Cinder Block
CHINO, CA — A local introvert was reportedly unable to correct a waiter at his favorite restaurant when, after ordering a side of mashed potatoes, he instead received a concrete cinder block.
Dating App Adds Feature Allowing Men To Filter Out Women Who Support Lindsay Clancy
U.S. — A popular dating app announced a new feature that would allow men to filter out women who support accused child murderer Lindsay Clancy.
Grim Reaper Spins ‘Wheel Of Death’ To See Which Person He Will Take Next
THE UNDERWORLD — The Grim Reaper was reportedly seen preparing to use his "Wheel of Death" to see which person to visit next.
Trump Says Grocery Bills Should Drop After He Renames A Few More Things ‘America’
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump assured the nation that the cost of groceries should drop just as soon as he renames a few more things "America."