LONDON — A rape gang was busted Wednesday after British police received an anonymous tip that they’d been illegally using an air conditioner.
Babylon Bee
Supergirl Unveils New Superpower Of Losing $100 Million In A Single Week
METROPOLIS — The public was once again amazed by one of its heroes in recent days, as Supergirl unveiled a new superpower, showing the awesome ability to lose $100 million in a single week.
Winning! Trump Now Rules Entire World As Supreme Court Declares Everyone Is American
U.S. — People around the world celebrated the establishment of a new supreme leader, as President Donald Trump was confirmed to now rule the entire world after the United States Supreme Court declared everyone on Earth to be American.
Terrorist Torn Between Going On Violent Jihad Or Getting Elected As Democratic Senator
NEW YORK CITY — According to sources, a radical Islamist terrorist felt torn between two possible career paths: leading the next violent jihad against the infidels or becoming a Democratic senator of the United States.
Trump Announces $1 Trillion Project To Clone Clarence Thomas
WASHINTGON, D.C. — In the wake of yesterday’s Supreme Court rulings, President Trump has announces a $1 trillion initiative to clone Justice Clarence Thomas.
SCOTUS Rules Invading Xenomorphs Who Hatch On Earth Are Officially Citizens Of Earth
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In yet another surprising decision that divided public opinion, the United States Supreme Court ruled that invading Xenomorphs who hatch on Earth are officially citizens of Earth.
American Missionaries Dispatched To Europe To Spread The Good News About Air Conditioning
BRANDENBURG — Missionaries from the greatest country on earth were seen going door to door throughout Europe, spreading the good news of air conditioning.
Man Upset As Someone Calls Him On Device Specifically Designed For People To Call Him On
TOPEKA, KS — Local man Samuel Denton was deeply upset Tuesday afternoon after his device, which is specifically designed to receive phone calls, received a phone call.
Ranch Dressing Futures Skyrocket To $120 Per Barrel
NEW YORK, NY — Ranch dressing futures skyrocketed to an unprecedented $120 a barrel on the New York Stock Exchange, officially surpassing crude oil as the world’s most valuable liquid asset.
Supreme Court Rules Any Baby Born At Olive Garden Is An Italian Citizen
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a narrow 5-4 decision, the United States Supreme Court ruled today that any baby born in or within five yards of an Olive Garden restaurant is an Italian citizen.