SPOKANE, WA — Local man Travis Barnes sadly failed to check his phone for one hour, missing out on the entirety of World War III.
Babylon Bee
Aides Tell Disappointed Trump That Maduro And Mamdani Are Different People
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Trump was crushed today when aides informed him that Maduro and Mamdani are, in fact, different people.
Classic: Trump Has Delta Force Operators Tell Maduro ‘You’re Fired’
CARACAS — In a classic Trump move, the President ordered the Delta Force operators who captured Venezuelan dictator Nicolas Maduro to say "You’re fired" upon deposing him.
Democrats Confused Why Venezuelans Cheering Downfall Of Nice, Warm Collectivism
U.S. — Bewildered Democrats watched in utter confusion today as Venezuelans cheered the downfall of warm, cozy collectivism.
Sad: Ilhan Omar Tells Brother It’s Time They Start Seeing Other Siblings
MINNEAPOLIS, MN — According to sources, Congresswoman Ilhan Omar gently broke the news to her brother, Ahmed Nur Said Elmi, that it was time for them to start seeing other siblings.
Crew Of Starship ‘Enterprise’ Discovers Yet Another New Planet That Looks Shockingly Like Southern California
SPACE — The crew of the USS Enterprise made a surprising discovery after landing on yet another planet that looked shockingly like the landscape of Southern California.
Republicans Vow To Uncover All Somali Fraud And Then Do Nothing About It Except Fundraise
WASHINGTON, D.C. — With allegations of money laundering in Minnesota and other states growing by the day, Republican lawmakers in Washington have vowed to uncover all Somali fraud in Minnesota and then do nothing about it except to fundraise for future elections.
Perfect Day Ruined By People
SALEM, OR — Once again, a perfect day has been ruined by the existence of people.
Is This Minnesota Daycare Actually A Fake Somali Front? Know The Signs
Before you sign your kids up for a daycare in Minnesota, it’s always important to first check if it’s a Somali front for defrauding the government. Here are eight signs to be on the lookout for:
College Football Player Achieves Lifelong Dream Of Playing In Duke’s Mayo Bowl Brought To You By Duke’s Mayo
U.S. — One young student athlete’s years of hard work were finally set to pay off, as a college football player prepared to achieve his lifelong dream of playing in the Duke’s Mayo Bowl brought to you by Duke’s Mayo.