WASHINGTON, D.C. — After the latest batch of Epstein files was released by the Department of Justice, it has become evident to everyone that Jeffrey Epstein, along with being a vile sex trafficker, had some sick fetish for girls with giant black square heads.
Babylon Bee
Man Still Doesn’t Quite Trust Anything Without Official Nintendo Seal Of Quality
RANCHO CUCAMONGA, CA — According to sources, local man Mark Hunter still doesn’t quite trust any product that lacks the Official Nintendo Seal of Quality.
Exclusive Sneak Peek At Next Year’s AmFest Lineup
The curtain had not yet fallen on Turning Point USA’s AmFest 2025 before rumors swirled about how they were going to top it next year. How do you follow up such a wild show?
10 Clear Signs Of Christian Persecution To Look For This Christmas
It goes without saying that Christians in America have it harder than anyone else, but the persecution always seems to get even worse during the Christmas season. Need proof? Look no further.
Nicki Minaj Reveals Hit Song ‘Anaconda’ Is Actually About How The Federal Government Needs To Reduce Deficit Spending
PHOENIX, AZ — Following her surprising appearance onstage with Erika Kirk at Turning Point USA’s AmFest, rapper Nicki Minaj revealed that her hit song "Anaconda" was actually about how the federal government needs to reduce deficit spending.
Man Thought Adult Christmases Would Have A Lot More Surprise Cars With Giant Bows On Top
BLUFFTON, IN — Local man Mark Connors wouldn’t describe himself as ungrateful so much as surprised to learn that, as an adult, Christmas didn’t involve more cars with giant bows on them waiting outside.
Man Driving Electric Car Blasting Nicki Minaj Clearly Right-Wing
BEVERLY HILLS, CA — According to sources, locals noticed a local man driving an electric car down Rodeo Drive and blasting Nicki Minaj out of his open windows – clearly outing himself as a Right-winger.
Click Here To See All The Epstein Photos So Far That Don’t Include Bill Clinton
The Babylon Bee has scoured through the thousands of pages of newly released Epstein documents to uncover all of the photos that don’t include former President Bill Clinton. Here they are, in chronological order:
Uh-Oh: Car You Honked And Swore At For Driving Too Slow Just Turned Into Your Church Parking Lot
SANTA FE, NM — After honking and swearing at a slow-moving car this morning, Marcus Nabors watched in horror as the car slowly turned its way into the parking lot of Nabors’ church.
Texas Issues Annual Reminder Not To Shoot Santa
AUSTIN, TX — The State of Texas has issued its annual reminder for residents to please refrain from shooting Santa Claus.