ORLANDO, FL — The much-publicized legal tug-of-war over his deportation finally paid off for illegal alien Kilmar Abrego Garcia, as he announced that he was using all the frequent flyer miles he racked up during the ordeal to take a killer Disney vacation.
Babylon Bee
Jesus Kinda Bummed He Was Born On December 25 And Now His Birthday Will Be Overshadowed By Christmas Every Year
CAPERNAUM — Reports surfaced this week that carpenter-turned-traveling teacher Jesus of Nazareth expressed disappointment with having to share a birthday with the biggest holiday of the year.
California Family Still Waiting For Permit To Build Gingerbread House
PACIFIC PALISADES, CA — Bucking years of tradition, a family new to the California area had failed to build a single gingerbread house this Christmas season due to a backlog at the permit office.
Trump Worried Reports Of Venezuelan Oil Tanker Seizure Have Ruined The Surprise Of Melania’s Christmas Gift
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump expressed concern that his wife, Melania, may now be aware of what he got her for Christmas after news reports surfaced that the U.S. military had seized a Venezuelan oil tanker this week.
Thinking About Going To Church? Here Are 10 Tips For Your First Sunday
Attending a church for the first time can be a daunting experience. If this is the first time you’re attending church this Sunday, try not to stress too much about what it’ll be like to be in an entirely new place surrounded by people you don’t know. Just…
US Military Persuades Entire Venezuelan Army To Surrender By Offering Them Some Food
VENEZUELA — In a remarkable demonstration of martial superiority, the United States military just forced an unconditional surrender out of the entire Venezuelan army just by offering them some food.
Whoaa This B-List Actor Just Said Something Remotely Christian Whoaaaa
WHOA now. WHOAAA.
Meaning Of Christmas Revealed To Actually Be Those Popcorn Tins With The Three Types Of Popcorn
The meaning of Christmas has been officially revealed, and it’s all about those metal tins with three types of popcorn. Yep. Would you have guessed it?
Michigan Taps Marco Rubio As Interim Head Coach
ANN ARBOR, MI — Just moments after news broke that the University of Michigan had fired head football coach Sherrone Moore with cause, Secretary of State Marco Rubio had been tapped as interim coach.
Report: Backs Of Cereal Boxes Have Really Gone Downhill
U.S. — A recent report finds that the backs of cereal boxes have really gone downhill over the years, which is lame.