U.S. — According to sources, European tourists visiting the United States for the World Cup became mesmerized and bowed in worship to the golden statue of Bucc-ee Beaver.
Babylon Bee
Caitlin Clark Returns To The Court In New Uniform
INDIANAPOLIS, IN — WNBA star Caitlin Clark returned to the basketball court today sporting a slightly modified team uniform.
Weakling French Declare ‘Hottest Day Ever’ When It’s Only 40 Degrees
PARIS — The weakling French population dramatically declared that today was "the hottest in history" despite local forecasts showing the temperature to be a mere 40 degrees.
All Of Man’s Trauma In Adulthood Can Be Traced Back To Watching ‘The Secret Of NIMH’ As A Child
SAN JOSE, CA — After years of therapy, a local man finally achieved a major breakthrough in determining the source of his trauma: watching Don Bluth’s The Secret of NIMH from 1982.
Man Struggling To Reconcile Existence Of Loving God With Fact He Never Got To Be Contestant On ‘Legends Of The Hidden Temple’
LEVERETT, MA — A local man suffered a crisis of faith Wednesday after struggling to reconcile his belief in a loving God with the fact that he was never invited to be a contestant on hit 1990s Nickelodeon game show Legends of the Hidden Temple.
Video Review Confirms Soccer Player A Little Wuss
ARLINGTON, TX — After video review, a soccer player has been confirmed to be a total wuss.
The Most Common Cause Of Death In Each Of The 50 States
A decades-long study by the CDC concluded that each American state bears its own unique cause of death.
Rockies Ask Girl Scout Who Threw Out First Pitch If She Can Go 9 Innings Tonight
DENVER, CO — Struggling to find alternative options on the mound that could potentially give the team a better chance to win a game, the Colorado Rockies asked the Girl Scout who threw out the first pitch if she could give them nine innings today.
New Yorkers Excited To See How Never-Before-Tried Government Called ‘Socialism’ Turns Out
NEW YORK, NY — Citizens of New York are reportedly excited to see how this brand-new, never-before-tried system of government known as "socialism" will ultimately turn out.
In Powerful Act Of Protest, Liberals Begin Adding Algae To Drinking Water
U.S. — In a powerful showing of solidarity with the algae discoloring the newly-renovated Reflecting Pool, liberals across the nation have begun adding green pond scum to their drinking water.