WASHINGTON, D.C. — With tensions rising over an ongoing trade dispute, President Donald Trump threatened to send in the military to seize control of Canada’s maple syrup supply.
Babylon Bee
Bruce Banner Reveals His Secret To Becoming Hulk Is That He’s Always Angry At The Jews
NEW YORK, NY — Over the weekend, Dr. Robert Bruce Banner shared a little insight into how he was able to maintain some semblance of control over his transformation into the Incredible Hulk by confirming a deep, personal secret: he’s always angry at the Jews.
New Data Center Built To Handle Influx Of Online Rants Against Data Centers
LANCASTER, PA — Local officials confirmed on Monday that a new data center had been constructed to handle the massive influx of online rants about data centers.
10 Reasons To Move To Ohio
People may think Ohio has nothing to offer, but they’re wrong. It’s still part of America, and that makes it one of the 50 best places in the world to live.
Canada Vows To Retaliate Against Trump With Crippling Moose Tariff
OTTAWA — With the United States imposing massive tariffs on Canada over the weekend, Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney vowed to bring the U.S. to its knees with a crippling moose tariff.
Newsom Signs Law Requiring All Cars To Be Horses By 2030
SACRAMENTO, CA — Governor Gavin Newsom signed a bill into law this week requiring all cars to be horses by the year 2030.
Man Arrested In Britain For Briefly Thinking About Sharing Meme
BIRMINGHAM, ENGLAND — Local man Roger Fisher was arrested this morning on suspicion of briefly considering sharing a meme.
New Press Secretary To Just Be Picture Of Scott Jennings Doing That Face
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The White House has announced that the new Press Secretary will just be a poster-sized photo of Scott Jennings doing that face he does.
Numerous Casualties At Park In Bloody Turf War Between Tennis Players And Pickleballers
MINNEAPOLIS, MN — Authorities responded on Friday afternoon to an apparent turf war at Kenwood Park, where tennis players and pickleballers fought to the death over the right to use the park’s facilities.
9 Signs You Belong To The Religion Of Peace
There are a lot of religions out there, but only one can be the religion of peace. How can you be sure you’re on the right path?