MIAMI, FL — As depicted in an exciting presentation of computer renderings of its breathtaking design, the proposed Donald J. Trump Presidential Library is set to feature a solemn "reflecting pool" filled with liberal tears.
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Tiger Woods Awarded Honorary California CDL
FORT LAUDERDALE, FL — What had been a difficult week for Tiger Woods took a positive turn on Tuesday, as the pro golf legend was awarded an honorary California commercial driver’s license.
‘AI Will Kill Us All! We’re Doomed! DOOMED!’ Says AI CEO In Latest Pitch To Investors
SAN FRANCISCO, CA — Anthropic, the maker of the next-generation AI assistant Claude, made news for giving increasingly aggressive pitches to investors ahead of a potential public offering. Founder and CEO Bob Anthropic recently gave his most emphatic speech to investors yet.
‘AI Will Kill Us All! We’re Doomed! DOOMED!’ Says AI Company CEO In Latest Pitch To Investors
SAN FRANCISCO, CA — Anthropic, the maker of the next-generation AI assistant Claude, made news for giving increasingly aggressive pitches to investors ahead of a potential public offering. Founder and CEO Bob Anthropic recently gave his most emphatic speech to investors yet.
Scientists Invent Revolutionary Kids’ Bike That Uses Pedals Instead Of Electric Power
CAMBRIDGE, MA — Engineers at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology reportedly developed an innovative new children’s bike that uses pedals instead of electricity for power.
‘Good News, You’re Finally Useful,’ Says Trump As He Sends Aquaman To Strait Of Hormuz
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump announced a plan on Monday to open up the Strait of Hormuz later this week by sending in Aquaman, a superhero he claims was finally useful.
11 Pickup Lines For Getting Chicks At A ‘No Kings’ Rally
A "No Kings" rally isn’t just an excuse to take off work while protesting a thing that doesn’t exist in America — it’s also a great way to find love. Knowing what the chicks at a "No Kings" protest want to hear is the key.
MLB Umpires Admit They’ve Kinda Just Been Guessing This Whole Time
U.S. — As baseball’s opening weekend ended with the sports world buzzing about the new Automated Ball-Strike System changing the game, MLB umpires admitted that they’ve kinda just been guessing this whole time.
Cruel, Heartless Wife Goes On Fun Girls’ Weekend Leaving Poor Husband All Alone And Lonely And Helpless
TOLEDO, OH — Local wife Aubrey Jackson reportedly left the house for 72 hours on a girls’ weekend, cruelly abandoning her lonely, helpless husband.
Atheist Has Killer New Argument Sure To Destroy Christianity — UPDATE: It Was Answered Over A Thousand Years Ago
CHICAGO, IL — Atheist Greg Hickman announced on Monday that he had devised a killer new argument that was sure to destroy Christianity.