ATLANTA, GA — After weeks of discussion, a local Bible study has officially righted the record by changing its name to the "Jennifer Support Group."
Babylon Bee
Hollywood Confused As Guy Keeps Saying ‘Jesus’ But Does Not Appear To Be Using It As A Curse Word
LOS ANGELES, CA — The entertainment industry was sent abuzz over the weekend after a guy at the Grammys kept saying "Jesus" but did not appear to be using it as a curse word.
Peter Dinklage Receives Little Praise After Taking Short Time To Recite Small Poem
NEW YORK, NY — Actor Peter Dinklage was reportedly a wee bit annoyed and expressed slight disappointment that he received little praise from the general public after taking a short time to recite a small poem at an anti-ICE protest over the weekend.
Roomful Of Pedophiles Protest ICE Deporting Pedophiles
LOS ANGELES, CA — A room full of pedophiles in attendance at Sunday night’s Grammys ceremony defiantly protested Trump’s deportation of pedophiles.
Tearful Trump Ends Deportations After Seeing Celebrities Wearing ‘ICE OUT’ Pins
WASHINGTON, D.C. — A tearful President Trump has reportedly issued a halt on all deportations and ordered the immediate withdraw of ICE from Minnesota after witnessing celebrities wear pins that said "ICE OUT" during the Grammys.
Sandwich Ruined After Not Being Cut In Triangles
U.S. — What had been expected to be a delightful lunch was thrown into chaos and threatened to destroy an entire day, as a local man’s sandwich was completely ruined after not being cut into triangles.
Tim Walz Emerges From Den To Declare 6 More Weeks Of Rioting And Fraud
ST. PAUL, MN — Governor Tim Walz has emerged from the den of the Governor’s Mansion to declare that there will be six more weeks of rioting and fraud.
Republican, Democrat Party Platforms Now Just Lists Of People They Would Arrest
U.S. — The political system in the United States took a sharp turn away from addressing practical issues facing the nation, as both the Republican and Democratic party platforms were replaced with lists of people they would arrest.
Finally: Newsom Announces Finished Construction Of High-Speed Rail Between His House And French Laundry
SACRAMENTO, CA — Governor Newsom announced today that construction has wrapped on the long anticipated high speed rail project, finally connecting his house directly to the French Laundry.
Dad Fervently Prays For Daughter To Have Case Of Moderate Acne From Ages 14-23
ARVADA, CO — Local dad Craig Smith has spent the past year fervently praying that his daughter Claire will get a decent case of acne from age 14 until about 23.