RAMSES — Archaeologists excavating at ancient Egyptian historical sites discovered evidence of another biblical plague, this one believed to have consisted of a horde of cyclists blocking Pharaoh’s morning commute.
Babylon Bee
JD Vance Makes Contact With Tribe Of Illiterate, Feral Women
NEW YORK, NY — According to sources, Vice President JD Vance stumbled upon an incredible discovery on Tuesday when he made contact with a tribe of illiterate, feral women.
9 Upcoming Fights In The White House Octagon
The UFC Freedom 250 event to celebrate President Donald Trump’s birthday (and also for America’s 250th birthday, kind of) was a massive success. That means one thing — more bloody, violent fights on the White House lawn. Through highly placed White House insiders, The Babylon Bee has obtained…
MLB Rebrands To MLBTQ+
U.S. — In an effort to better reflect the league’s values, Major League Baseball announced that it had officially rebranded from "MLB" to "MLBTQ+".
Aliens Go Home & Say There Is No Intelligent Life On Earth After Meeting Neil DeGrasse Tyson
U.S. — Humanity’s long-awaited first contact with advanced extraterrestrials came to a disappointing end this week after visiting aliens returned home and officially classified Earth as a barren, unintelligent world following a brief encounter with astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson.
Oh No! Trump Negotiates Deal With England And Now They Have The Colonies Back
U.S. — According to sources, a routine agreement negotiated by President Donald Trump has resulted in control of the original 13 colonies being transferred back to Great Britain.
Man Attributes Classical Music Knowledge To Watching Bugs Bunny Cartoons
MADISON, WI — Local man Brad Pulman admitted to friends that all the knowledge he has ever obtained about classical music he received by watching classic Bugs Bunny cartoons.
Democrats Vow To Keep Fighting Until Nobody In America Can Be Successful
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In the wake of Elon Musk officially becoming the world’s first confirmed trillionaire, leaders of the Democratic Party pledged to never stop fighting as long as anyone in America is still allowed to be successful.
U.S. Team Now A Favorite To Win World Cup After Bringing On LeBron James To Flop
U.S. — The U.S. Men’s National Team surged into contention as a World Cup betting favorite after bringing in LeBron James to help the team flop around on the grass and act like he’s hurt.
Can You Spot The 7 Clues In This Picture That This Family Homeschools?
Homeschool families used to be easy to spot, as twenty years ago the kids were all giant dorks. These days, it’s a lot more difficult to figure out. Take a close look at this picture and see if you can spot all seven clues that this is a…