Things in America are getting pretty dicey these days. So dicey, in fact, that people in blue states are starting to wonder if it’s time to evacuate to the safety of more politically conservative places. Knowing when to get out of Dodge is vital.
Babylon Bee
Nation Starting To Wonder If People Who Spend Life Singing Songs To Toddlers On YouTube Might Not Be All There Mentally
U.S. — Amid social and political tensions reaching new highs with violent clashes between government law enforcement and protesters, the nation revealed it had started to wonder if people who spend their lives singing songs to toddlers on YouTube might not be all there mentally.
Quality Of Musicals Craters As Number Of Gay Americans Decreases
NEW YORK CITY, NY — Researchers note a strong correlation between the decline in the quality of musicals and the large drop in men in the United States who identify as gay.
Legal Observers Clash With Law Enforcement At Helm’s Deep
HELM’S DEEP, WESTFOLD OF ROHAN — Legal observers have clashed with immigration enforcement officers under the command of King Théoden at the tower fortress at Helm’s Deep.
11 Things To Look For In A Pastor
Finding a pastor can be a tall order. Putting specific criteria in place can make all the difference.
J6ers Wishing They Had Thought Of Branding Themselves ‘Legal Observers’
WASHINGTON, DC — Protestors involved in the actions on January 6th, 2021 admit they wish they had just labeled themselves as "legal observers" and avoided all the arrests and stuff.
U.S. Posts Minneapolis On Craigslist ($50 OBO)
U.S. — Seemingly at a loss as to how to solve the ongoing problems originating from the North Star State, everyone else in the United States reached a joint agreement to post Minnesota on Craigslist for $50 or best offer.
WNBA Players Vow To Continue Missing Lay-Ups Until ICE Withdraws From Minnesota
U.S. — In a touching display of solidarity amid widespread conflict in American cities, WNBA players issued a joint statement announcing they had vowed to continue missing lay-ups until ICE withdraws from Minnesota.
Tim Walz Says He Will Do Anything To Keep Minnesota Residents Safe Except Cooperate With Federal Law Enforcement
SAINT PAUL, MN — With tensions between ICE agents and leftist protesters in Minneapolis running high, Governor Tim Walz said he was willing to do anything to keep Minnesota residents safe except cooperate with federal law enforcement.
Man Who Just Climbed Skyscraper Kicks Himself After Seeing There Was An Elevator All Along
TAIPEI CITY — After spending over an hour-and-a-half climbing to the top of the Taipei 101 skyscraper, Alex Honnold was left kicking himself after realizing there was an elevator just inside.