LONDON — Public uprisings in Ireland flared once again last night, as Irish citizens lashed out in anger following the attempted beheading of an Irishman by a Sudanese migrant, leading UK Prime Minister Kier Starmer to ask the Irish not to bicker and argue over who beheaded whom.
Babylon Bee
Obama Says If He Had A Son Who Stabbed Someone In The Heart With A Knife, He Would Look Just Like Karmelo Anthony
WASHINGTON, D.C. — As racial tensions continued to rise in the wake of the verdict handed down in the Austin Metcalf murder trial, a somber former President Barack Obama said if he had a son who stabbed someone in the heart with a knife, he would look just…
Maine Updates State Flag With Swastika
AUGUSTA, ME — The citizens of Maine have cast their votes to officially update the state flag to include a swastika.
Life Hack: Wife Texting You Too Much? Reply ‘Unsubscribe’ And She’s Legally Required To Stop
Unsubscribing from spam texts is well known, but did you know you can also unsubscribe from your wife? All you have to do is text back "UNSUBSCRIBE" and she’s legally required to stop.
Mom Enjoys 30-Minute Respite Between Completing Laundry And Needing To Do More Laundry
SALT LAKE CITY, UT — Local mom Rachel Thompson reportedly enjoyed a brief half-hour break this week in between finishing all the laundry and having to do more laundry.
L.A. Residents Face Tough Decision Whether To Elect Communist Or Communist
LOS ANGELES, CA — Following last week’s primary elections, L.A. residents now face a difficult choice in the general election between an avowed communist and an avowed communist.
Karmelo Kicking Himself For Not Converting To Islam And Stabbing Someone In The UK Instead
MCKINNEY, TX — Nineteen-year-old convicted murderer Karmelo Anthony, in his first public comments since being found guilty of first-degree murder, expressed regret that he didn’t convert to Islam and stab someone in the UK instead.
Top 10 Coolest Spiritual Gifts
On the Day of Pentecost, the apostles were imbued with power from on high that manifested as gifts of prophecy, tongues, and more. But which gifts are the coolest?
Nation Shocked As Jury Rules You Cannot Stab Someone In The Heart For No Reason At All
California Officials Pleased With Voter Turnout Of 250 Percent
LOS ANGELES, CA — Officials in California hailed the historic number of ballots cast in the state’s primaries, proudly reporting voter turnout of 250%.