With tensions continuing to mount over ICE operations in Minneapolis, the journalists at The Babylon Bee are on the ground to document the despicable actions carried out by ICE agents. Here are the seven most horrifying atrocities that we have witnessed:
Babylon Bee
Minnesotans Begin Fleeing To Somalia To Escape Violence
MOGADISHU — Minnesotans have begun fleeing in droves to Somalia to escape the escalating threat of violence.
Frustrated Don Lemon Wonders What A Guy Has To Do To Get Sent To Men’s Prison
MINNEAPOLIS, MN — After a judge threw out the charges against him, a frustrated Don Lemon wondered what a guy had to do to get inside one of those prisons full of men.
Usha Informs JD They Will Not Be Naming Their Child ‘Thomas Bombadil Vance’
WASHINGTON, D.C. — On the heels of the public announcement that the couple was expecting their fourth child this summer, Second Lady Usha Vance gently informed the Vice President that they would not be naming their baby boy "Thomas Bombadil Vance."
Wondering If ICE Is Doing Something Evil? Check Out Our Flowchart!
ICE is all over the news lately, with conflicting reports about what’s actually happening. Many people have been left wondering if ICE agents are upholding the law and keeping Americans safe or perpetrating acts of evil on innocent people.
Wife’s Love Language Is Sending You Instagram Reels You Don’t Watch
U.S. — The new report released this week indicated that your wife’s love language had been confirmed to be sending you Instagram reels every day that you don’t watch.
REPORT: If You Read This Headline You Are A Racist DO NOT READ
URGENT — A new report indicates that if you read this headline, you are, in fact, a racist.
Gleeful Weatherman Excitedly Announces Dangerous Storm Likely To Kill Everyone
TOLEDO, OH — Local weatherman Glen Dickson gleefully informed CBS 11 viewers that a giant storm was heading their way and that it was likely to kill everyone in its path.
First Astronauts On Mars Greeted By Mormon Missionaries
MARS — In what scientists called the most significant discovery in the history of space exploration, the first astronauts to touch down on the Red Planet were greeted on Friday by two young men in short-sleeved white dress shirts and black name tags.
Aging George Soros Hoping To Ruin Just One More Country Before The End
KATONAH, NY — As the geopolitical landscape continued to prepare for a changing of the guard, aging billionaire powerbroker George Soros expressed hope that he could ruin just one more country before the end.