KATONAH, NY — As the geopolitical landscape continued to prepare for a changing of the guard, aging billionaire powerbroker George Soros expressed hope that he could ruin just one more country before the end.
Babylon Bee
‘Sinners’ Nominated For ‘Best Movie We Have To Nominate Or Else We Will Be Called Racist’
HOLLYWOOD, CA — The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences released its list of Oscar nominees for 2026, with Sinners being nominated for "Best Movie We Have To Nominate Or Else We Will Be Called Racist."
Apple Engineers Working Feverishly To Somehow Make Next iOS Update Even Worse
CUPERTINO, CA — Sources within Apple’s Software Engineering Division confirmed that their team was working around the clock to make the next iOS update even worse than the current one.
Ms. Rachel Apologizes For Accidentally Spray-Painting ‘Go Away Jews’ On A Synagogue
NEW YORK, NY — The woman behind YouTube’s most popular and beloved educational content for children found herself in hot water, as Ms. Rachel issued a public apology for accidentally spray-painting "GO AWAY JEWS" on a synagogue.
Exhausted White Liberal Women Clock In For Another Long Day Protecting Migrant Sex Offenders
MINNEAPOLIS, MN — Another long day of work was on the docket, as white liberal women clocked in for another long day of protesting the arrest of migrant sex offenders.
Pam Bondi Says She Has Finally Figured Out What DOJ Stands For
U.S. — Attorney General Pam Bondi has announced that after almost a year on the job, she has finally figured out what the acronym "DOJ" stands for.
Pro Athlete Struck By Lightning After Failing To Thank Jesus Christ For Victory
U.S. — Tragedy unfolded at a sporting event over the weekend, as a professional athlete was struck by lightning after unexcusably failing to thank Jesus Christ for giving his team the victory in the game.
Trump Announces New Round Of Tariffs On Everyone Who Didn’t Laugh At His Jokes In Davos
DAVOS — One day after his speech that made headlines at a gathering of world leaders at the World Economic Forum, U.S. President Donald Trump announced a new round of tariffs on everyone who didn’t laugh at his jokes.
10 Dumbest Things Guardian Angels Have Saved People From
Humans get into a lot of trouble, which all too often is simply a product of our own stupidity. Here are the top ten dumbest things guardian angels have saved people from in all of history:
Blind Taste Test Finds 9 Out Of 10 Men Prefer Taste Of Water From Garden Hose
CAMBRIDGE, MA — A peer-reviewed paper published by Harvard scientists revealed that, in a blind taste test, 9 out of 10 men prefer the taste of water from a garden hose.