MINAS TIRITH — A portion of the White City was reportedly demolished by King Aragorn to make way for a new ballroom, sparking criticism from the city’s nobles and peasantry.
Babylon Bee
Elderly Lesbian Throuple Turns Out To Be Green Day
OAKLAND, CA — A surprising new report indicated that an elderly lesbian throuple seen out for a walk in a local park this week turned out to actually be the musical group Green Day.
Man Achieves Lifelong Dream Of Being In Boarding Group 2
ATLANTA, GA — Traveler Dale Galveston achieved a lifelong dream of boarding a plane in Boarding Group 2 at the Hartsfield-Jackson Atlanta International Airport on his way to New York City.
Blue Jays To Start World Series With 7-Run Deficit As Trump Imposes Tariff On Foreign Teams
TORONTO — The American League champions received discouraging news on Friday, as the Toronto Blue Jays were notified that they would start the World Series with a 7-run deficit after President Donald Trump imposed a tariff on foreign baseball teams.
WNBA Players Assure FBI They Weren’t Missing Layups To Throw Games, They Just Suck At Basketball
U.S. — In light of the NBA’s recent gambling scandal, WNBA players assured federal agents that they don’t miss easy layups to throw games, they just suck at basketball.
Serial Killer Unwinds After A Long Day By Listening To His Favorite Podcast About Housewives
DAYTONA BEACH, FL — Local serial killer Lester Carlisle told his friends that there’s nothing he enjoys more than unwinding after a long day by taking a hot bubble bath with a nice drink and his favorite podcast about the lives of housewives.
Trump Makes 73rd Trip To Home Depot Since Start Of White House Renovation
WASHINGTON, D.C. — As demo and construction continued on the highly publicized construction project to build a new White House ballroom, a new report said President Donald Trump had already made his 73rd trip to Home Depot since the start of the renovation.
NBA Announces Today’s Gambling Arrests Brought To You By DraftKings
NEW YORK, NY — Thursday’s arrests of Portland Trail Blazers head coach Chauncey Billups, Miami Heat guard Terry Rozier, former NBA player Damon Jones, and 28 other individuals were brought to you by DraftKings, the NBA said in a statement.
New Disney Ride Inverts Guests And Shakes Their Wallets Out Of Their Pockets
ANAHEIM, CA — An exciting new attraction unveiled at Disneyland reportedly inverts guests and shakes their wallets out of their pockets.
10 Coolest Features Of Trump’s New White House Ballroom
President Donald Trump’s project to construct a new grand ballroom at the White House has been grabbing all the headlines, but have you heard about all the amazing features it’s going to include?