WASHINGTON, D.C. — Amid an ongoing government shutdown, members of the U.S. Congress reassured the American public on Thursday that the paychecks of the U.S. Congress would not be affected.
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America Calls Brief Truce With Canada Until Dodgers Defeated
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump has reportedly extended an olive branch to Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney, agreeing to a brief truce until the Dodgers could be defeated.
Rebel Alliance Warns Obama’s Presidential Library Almost Fully Operational
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Leaders within the Rebel Alliance have recently warned that Obama’s Presidential Library is almost fully operational.
Uh Oh: Trump Just Commandeered An Excavator And He’s Heading For The Capitol
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Witnesses looked on in horror as President Trump commandeered an excavator from outside the White House and began heading for the Capitol.
Next ‘No Kings’ Protest To End By 4 P.M. So Everyone Can Get Home In Time For ‘Matlock’
U.S. — According to sources, the next "No Kings" protest is expected to end no later than 4 p.m. so that everyone in attendance can get home in time for Matlock.
Worse And Worse: Platner Also Has A Nickelback Tattoo
AUGUSTA, ME — Things have gone from bad to worse for Democratic Senate hopeful Graham Platner, who was revealed to not only have Nazi tattoo on his chest, but a Nickelback tattoo on his lower back.
Louvre Announces They Have Installed A Ring Camera
PARIS — Following Sunday’s theft of artifacts valued at $102 million, the Louvre updated its security system to include a second generation indoor Ring camera.
Trump Unveils White House Water Slide
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump announced this week that as part of the White House renovation, he will be installing a giant water slide on the roof that will go all the way down to the Rose Garden.
Trump Declares White House ‘ICE Free Zone’ Until Construction On New Ballroom Is Done
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Trump has declared the White House a no-go zone for ICE raids until construction is completed on the new ballroom.
Man Replaces Personality With New Smoker
BOUNTIFUL, UT — Local man James Larson made a significant life change after deciding to replace his entire personality with his affection for his newly purchased smoker.