STOCKTON, CA — According to sources, local wife Gillian Franks went to her husband to ask for his opinion on a minor decision so she would understand exactly how he felt and could then proceed to do the exact opposite of whatever he said.
Babylon Bee
‘None Of My $850 Billion In Wealth Is Liquid,’ Elon Musk Explains As Steve Is Stuck Paying For Elon’s Latte Again
AUSTIN, TX — In a moment of social awkwardness, billionaire inventor and entrepreneur Elon Musk was unable to pay for coffee after informing his friend, Steve, that none of his $850 billion fortune was liquid.
Trump Replaces Pam Bondi With Broom In Blonde Wig
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a long-rumored shake-up at a high-level position in his administration, President Donald Trump announced that he had replaced Attorney General Pam Bondi with a broom in a blonde wig.
AOC Condemns Spain For Stealing Mexico’s Language
MUNICH — In a bold declaration against colonial imperialism, U.S. Congresswoman Alexandro Ocasio-Cortez spoke out this week to condemn Spain for stealing Mexico’s language.
Toddler Review: This Book Has A Mind-Blowing Twist That You’ll Never See Coming. It Will Change You Forever.
Few things make bedtime more palatable than a good story. It often serves as the bridge between reality and the waking world of dreams. However, on occasion, there are times the story spun before me is so intense, so stimulating, that I lie awake for hours lost in…
Top 10 Attractions To Check Out When You Go To Heaven
Everyone assumes that Heaven is going to be amazing, but do you know what you’ll actually get to see and do there? Knowing what’s there can help you plan accordingly.
Trump Boasts He Now Has Highest Approval Rating Of Any Current U.S. President
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump proudly announced Monday that he now has the highest approval rating of any current U.S. president.
Husband Makes Up For Forgetting Valentine’s Day With Lavish Presidents’ Day Gift
IRVINE, CA — What could have been a severe relationship dust-up was narrowly averted today, as a local husband made up for forgetting Valentine’s Day by giving his wife a lavish Presidents’ Day gift.
Democrats Warn Voter ID Will Disenfranchise Key Voting Demographic Of People Too Stupid To Get An ID
WASHINGTON, D.C. — As the United States Senate progressed toward voting on the SAVE Act, Democrats warned that requiring voter ID would disenfranchise their key voting demographic of people who are too stupid to get an ID.
Trump Honors Hillary Clinton With New Federal Holiday ‘Almost Presidents Day’
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Hillary Clinton’s long career in politics finally met with the recognition it deserved when the United States created a new federal holiday in her honor: "Almost Presidents" Day.