U.S. — In a horrific display of sexism, War Secretary Pete Hegseth demanded that women in the military be equal to men.
Babylon Bee
Pope Condemns God For Instituting The Death Penalty
VATICAN CITY — The supreme pontiff of the Catholic Church issued a sharp criticism of the Almighty Creator of the universe this week, as Pope Leo XIV publicly condemned God for instituting the death penalty.
Baptist Pastor Resigns In Shame After Old Tweets Containing ‘Darn’ Resurface
BIRMINGHAM, AL — When he stepped down from the pulpit Sunday, local Baptist preacher Jim Craver had no idea it would be for the last time. Just days later, old tweets resurfaced in which he used the word "darn," forcing him to step away from his role as…
Sad: With New Military Fitness Standards, Your Mom Unable To Join Military
U.S. — Amid the news that Secretary of War Pete Hegseth had revised the fitness requirements for all armed forces personnel, one unfortunate side effect that may have gone unnoticed was the sad reality that the new military fitness standards would make your mom unable to join the…
7 Most Terrifying Consequences Of A Government Shutdown
Brace yourself, America: the federal government has been shut down. Congress will no longer be able to pass any bills and all federal agencies will grind to a halt. But, there will also be some very serious consequences.
Conservatives Announce Boycott Of NFL Until Next Sunday
U.S. — Following the announcement that music artist Bad Bunny would be performing at the Super Bowl halftime show, outraged conservatives across the country vowed to boycott the NFL until next Sunday.
Man Learns He Failed As A Father As Son Says He’s Rooting For The Yankees
BLUE SPRINGS, MO — A local man was confronted with the unpleasant reality that he had failed miserably as a father after he discovered that his young son was rooting for the New York Yankees.
Dems Call For Common-Sense Sombrero Control
U.S. — In the wake of President Trump unleashing devastating videos showing Representative Hakeem Jeffries wearing traditional Mexican garb, Democrats have called for common-sense sombrero control.
Nation Erupts In Celebration As Government Finally Shuts Down
U.S. — Celebrations have erupted all across America today as the federal government has actually shut down.
Entire Federal Workforce Replaced By Very Tired Marco Rubio
U.S. — The entire federal workforces has officially been replaced by a noticeably fatigued Marco Rubio