KANSAS CITY, MO — A local church praise team reached a level of achievement not seen since the days of classic hymns, as a worship song written by the band leader broke new ground by having more than 7 different words.
Babylon Bee
NFL Hoping To Win Back Conservatives With Super Bowl Performance By Spanish-Speaking Man In Dress
U.S. — The National Football League is apparently working double time to win back its conservative fanbase by planning a Super Bowl halftime show with a Spanish-speaking man in a dress.
Dems Outraged By Unprecedented Political Prosecutions Of People Not Named Trump
WASHINGTON, D.C. — According to several statements to the press, Democrats are outraged by the unprecedented political prosecutions of people not named Donald Trump.
‘We Don’t Need Help Against Antifa,’ Announces Portland Mayor Currently On Fire
PORTLAND, OR — Despite urgent pleas from the public to address the chaos unleashed on the city by radical leftist terrorists, the mayor of Portland downplayed the threat of Antifa and announced that the group that had just lit him on fire was completely under control.
Supporters Ask Gavin Newsom To Stop Doing Meth Before Posting On Social Media
SACRAMENTO, CA — Governor Gavin Newsom has reportedly been advised by his closest supporters to stop doing meth before posting on social media for the sake of his political career.
Sad: Man Could Have Been Profoundly Moved By Classic Piece Of Literature If It Had Only Contained A Character Of His Exact Race, Sex, And Socio-Economic Class
COLUMBUS, OH — Sources close to local man Jevon Willis say that the 28-year-old was tragically deprived of the opportunity to be moved by Vergil’s "Aeneid" because the classical masterpiece did not contain a character of exactly his race, sex, and socio-economic class.
Doctors Find Most Effective Treatment For Clinical Depression Is Giggling Baby
U.S. – Researchers at the University of Maryland have discovered that the most effective treatment for clinical depression is a giggling baby.
Nation Not Really Clear Why Comey Being Indicted But Pretty Sure He Deserves It
U.S. — Americans were not quite sure what former FBI Director James Comey had been indicted for, but they felt very sure that he deserved it.
Democrat Heads To Gun Range To Practice For Debate
ANN ARBOR, MI — To get ready for a political debate at the University of Michigan campus, local Democrat Fred Phillips headed down to the gun range to practice.
King Saul’s Troubled Spirit Soothed By Sick New Effects Pedal David Got For His Harp
GIBEAH — According to sources, King Saul’s troubled spirit was soothed with the help of a sick new effects pedal David got for his harp.