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Babylon Bee

The Babylon Bee Presents: Free Valentine’s Day Cards You Can Print And Give To That Special Someone

February 14, 2026 From Babylon Bee

The Babylon Bee has put together an absolutely incredible set of Valentine’s Day cards that your special someone will absolutely love. The best part? It’s all free! Simply print, sign, and watch the romance happen.

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Amazon Product With 4.2 Star Rating Must Be Total Crap

February 14, 2026 From Babylon Bee

U.S. — Customers were helpfully alerted by an Amazon product’s 4.2 star rating that it is obviously total crap.

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Ghost Of Jim Crow Furious His Name Being Used To Describe Black People Voting With ID

February 14, 2026 From Babylon Bee

U.S. — The ghost of Jim Crow has expressed bewilderment and fury that his name is being used to describe black Americans voting with an ID.

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Finally! Groundbreaking Documentary Takes a Look At World War 2

February 13, 2026 From Babylon Bee

U.S. — Finally, after decades of obscurity on the subject, a groundbreaking new documentary will reportedly examine the history of World War II.

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Gruesome Kidnapping Just The Career Boost Crime Reporter Has Been Waiting For

February 13, 2026 From Babylon Bee

U.S. — Up-and-coming crime reporter Megan Coolidge said she was excited to hear about the latest gruesome kidnapping case, as it would be a huge boost to her career.

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Trump Approves Use Of Poké Balls To Catch Illegal Immigrants

February 13, 2026 From Babylon Bee

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump issued an executive order on Friday authorizing the use of Poké Balls to catch illegal immigrants.

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The Babylon Bee Ranks Humanity’s Worst Inventions

February 13, 2026 From Babylon Bee

Since the invention of the wheel, many have pondered the greatest inventions of mankind. The Babylon Bee, however, is more fascinated by studying humanity’s worst inventions.

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Jacob’s ‘I Love You Almost As Much As I Love Your Sister’ Valentine Card Not A Big Hit With Leah

February 13, 2026 From Babylon Bee

SUCCOTH — Local patriarch Jacob was reportedly confused this week when his wife, Leah, appeared unimpressed with the Valentine’s Day card he gave her that read, "I love you almost as much as I love your sister."

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Husband Enters Annual Hibernation Period Between Super Bowl And MLB Opening Day

February 13, 2026 From Babylon Bee

BLUE SPRINGS, MO — One of nature’s most wondrous events was on full display at one suburban home this week, as a local husband followed his innate instinct to enter his annual hibernation period between the Super Bowl and Major League Baseball Opening Day.

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ICE Leaves Minneapolis To Focus On American Cities

February 13, 2026 From Babylon Bee

U.S. — Border Czar Tom Homan announced on Friday that ICE would be withdrawing from Minneapolis in a strategic move to instead focus on enforcing laws in American cities.

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