CINCINNATI, OH — Local authorities issued a warning advising all white visitors to the city to please make sure they avoid assaulting the fists of black people with their skulls.
Babylon Bee
Investigation Concludes Trump Is The Only One Who Didn’t Collude With Russia
U.S. — Newly declassified intelligence files revealed that every politician, government official, and political candidate except Donald Trump colluded with Russia in 2016.
Steward Of Gondor Moves To Officially Recognize Mordor As A State
MINAS TIRITH — Denethor II, son of Ecthelion II, the Steward of Gondor, announced plans to officially recognize Mordor as a sovereign state at an upcoming Council of Men.
‘Behold, He Is Not Dead, But Merely Sleeping,’ Pastor Declares Before Waking Harold In Back Pew
LITTLE ROCK, AR — Congregants at a local church were witnesses to a remarkable event, as a man who had been thought to have died was revealed to have only fallen asleep during the pastor’s sermon.
Kamala Announces She Will Step Away From Politics To Spend More Time With Vodka
SACRAMENTO — Former Vice President Kamala Harris officially announced today that she would be stepping away from politics in order to spend more quality time with vodka.
7 Items That Have Become Totally Unaffordable In Trump’s Economy
Inflation may have skyrocketed under Biden, but Trump has also caused massive price increases for several beloved products. Here are seven items that have become totally unaffordable in Trump’s economy:
Christian Parents Decide Portable Porn-Streaming Device Perfect Gift For 13-Year-Old Boy
SANTA CLARITA, CA — Christian parents living in the valley have finally decided that a portable porn-streaming device is the perfect gift for their 13-year old son.
Congress Invites Ghislaine Maxwell To Come Testify Under Dangling Grand Piano
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The world waited anxiously to finally learn more about one of the most widely talked-about conspiracies in recent history, as the U.S. Congress invited Ghislaine Maxwell to come testify under a dangling grand piano.
CNN: White Man In Bronco Leading Police On High-Speed Chase
LOS ANGELES — CNN has reported that a white man driving a Ford Bronco is leading police on a chase all around Los Angeles.
Can You Spot All The Nazi Dog Whistles In This Sydney Sweeney Ad?
We now know American Eagle’s new ad with Sydney Sweeney is fascist propaganda, but you won’t believe how many Nazi dog whistles there are. See how many you can spot in this one picture: