Budget crises are nothing new for New York City. Though the city has come a long way since the 1970s, when it was over $400 million in debt and required state and federal intervention, New York has been in the red for the past three years. Current projections…
Babylon Bee
Zelenskyy Tries To Catch Glimpse Of Trump By Climbing White House Sycamore Tree
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy was reportedly invited to an official meeting in the Oval Office today after President Trump spotted him climbing a sycamore tree outside the White House just to see him.
John Bolton’s Mustache Agrees To Testify Against Him In Exchange For Immunity
GREENBELT, MD — A former Trump administration National Security Advisor’s legal defense faced an uphill battle, as news broke that John Bolton’s mustache had agreed to testify against him in exchange for immunity.
Claiming It’s A Drug Boat, Trump Drone-Strikes Noah’s Ark
WASHINGTON, D.C. — A large ship carrying every kind of animal was successfully destroyed with the use of a tactical drone strike, the White House announced Friday, after President Trump authorized deadly force to take out what he claimed was a drug boat.
New Google Maps Setting Shows Husband The Route Wife Thinks He Should Take
U.S. — A new setting on Google Maps was expected to save thousands of marriages by forgoing the optimum travel route to instead direct the husband along the route his wife thinks he should take.
Mom Can’t Decide Between Allowing Her Kids to Dress Up For Halloween Or Having Them Get To Heaven
TUCSON, AZ — Ahead of the upcoming holiday, local Christian mom Helen Richards reportedly couldn’t decide if she should allow her kids to dress up for Halloween or have them get into Heaven instead.
At Last: Airlines Introduce Ejection Seats For People Who Have Loud Conversations
U.S. — Airline passengers of the world could finally breathe a sigh of relief, as all major airlines have introduced ejection seats for people who have loud conversations.
PSA: Do NOT Go Really Fast In A Boat With A Venezuelan Flag Right Now
ALERT: This is an important public service announcement for anyone planning to enjoy their boats out on the water for the foreseeable future.
Sad: Britain Tries To Play Baseball But Gets The Rules Wrong And Forgets Their Gloves And Puts Sticks Behind Home Plate For Some Reason
LONDON — As the fun and excitement of America’s Major League Baseball season draws to a dramatic close, the British had reportedly taken it upon themselves to join in and set up their own league. However, they have reportedly mucked it up, sadly getting the rules all wrong,…
With Israel Withdrawal, Hamas Finally Able To Conduct Public Executions In Peace
GAZA — Day-to-day life in the terrorist occupied area of Gaza settled back into its normal pre-war routine, as with Israel’s withdrawal to comply with the ceasefire agreement, Hamas was finally able to conduct public executions in peace.