An anonymous source inside The Babylon Bee has published a string of highly embarrassing text messages, which have now begun circulating online. We wish we could go back in time, unsay these terrible things, and beat the people responsible with a sock full of nickels. But we can’t,…
Babylon Bee
Here’s How 12 Different News Outlets Covered Trump’s Gaza Peace Deal
President Trump’s historic ceasefire agreement made headlines all over the world, but depending on which news outlet you checked, you might get a completely different story.
Clarence Thomas Gently Explains To KBJ That Not All Black People Are Mentally Disabled, Just Her
WASHINGTON, D.C. — After Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson claimed in court today that all black people are mentally disabled, Justice Clarence Thomas gently informed her that it’s actually just her.
Chicago Police Cut Spending By Just Taping Off Locations That Aren’t Murder Scenes
CHICAGO — To reduce spending, the Chicago Police Department has reportedly introduced a new policy where they tape off locations that aren’t murder scenes.
Study Finds Jews Are Always Cool And Nice And Their Bagels Are Great Too [This Post Sponsored By Israel For $7,000]
U.S. — A new study has just conclusively proved that Jewish people are always cool, their bagels are great, and Israel is number one.
Christianity Saved By 435th Book Explaining What Is Wrong With Church Today
U.S. — With the release of the 435th book about what is wrong with the church today, theologians agree that Christianity has finally been saved.
Democrats Warn We Are Now Further Away From World War 3 Than Ever Before
WASHINGTON, D.C. — As President Trump continues brokering peace deals across the globe, Democrats warned that we are now further away from World War III than ever before.
Democrats Explain To Young Republicans They’re Supposed To Engrave Their Messages On Bullets Instead
U.S. — Democrats explained to the ignorant Young Republicans that hateful messages aren’t meant to be written in text messages, but engraved on bullets.
Wife Specifies To Husband Which Photo He’s Allowed To Share With ‘Dateline’ In The Event She’s Brutally Murdered
SALT LAKE CITY, UT — After putting a lot of thought into the potential scenario, a local wife specified to her husband which photo he’s allowed to share with Dateline in the event she’s brutally murdered.
Boomers Reveal Their Top 10 Tips For Getting Wealthy
In uncertain economic times, it can be helpful to look back at previous generations who achieved success and emulate what they did. Take Boomers, for example. They’re loaded.