GLENDALE, AZ — Revival seems poised to sweep around the globe, as an enormous Nazi rally held at State Farm Stadium reportedly inspired millions of people throughout the world to forgive and love their enemies.
Babylon Bee
AOC Loses Debate Against Cardboard Cutout Of Charlie Kirk
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has come out on the decidedly losing end of a debate against a cardboard cutout of Charlie Kirk.
Satan: ‘I’ve Made A Huge Mistake’
U.S. — Surveying the hundreds of thousands gathered for Charlie Kirk’s memorial service, along with the millions watching across the globe, a despondent Satan declared that he had "made a huge mistake."
MSNBC: Lincoln Shot By Union Soldier Celebrating
U.S. — MSNBC reported today that Abraham Lincoln has been shot by a Union soldier who was just firing his rifle in celebration.
Captain Falcon Starting To Wonder If Always Shouting ‘FALCON PUNCH’ Might Be Telegraphing Moves
ARENA FEROX — As his opponent once again successfully dodged his attack, Captain Falcon began to wonder if shouting "FALCON PUNCH!!" before punching people might be telegraphing his moves.
Researchers Say Modern Man Unable To Create Shows As Good As ‘Animaniacs’
CAMBRIDGE, MA — Despite years of attempts by the most brilliant minds on the planet, researchers said that modern man is unable to create any television shows as good as Animaniacs.
7 Great New Jobs For Jimmy Kimmel
Jimmy Kimmel may have been relieved of his duties at Jimmy Kimmel Live!, but that doesn’t mean he’s ready to retire. He’s only 57, has bills to pay, and has plenty of good years left.
Dems Warn Someday Conservatives Will Find Out What It’s Like To Be Canceled
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Prominent Democrats issued an ominous warning to conservatives in light of Jimmy Kimmel’s sudden cancellation, vowing that someday, conservatives would find out what it’s like to be canceled.
Wife Making Weekend Plans Completely Unaware That Husband Is In Heated Battle For America’s Soul In Facebook Comments Section
TOLEDO, OH — Local wife Cindy Houston admitted she was totally unaware her husband was locked in a virtuous battle for the soul of America on Facebook when she made plans for the family this weekend.
Jimmy Kimmel: ‘I Am The First Victim Of The Murder Of Charle Kirk’
HOLLYWOOD, CA — Comedian and indefinitely suspended late-night TV host Jimmy Kimmel issued a statement on Friday in which he had the unfortunate task of informing the public that he had become the first victim of the murder of Charlie Kirk.