U.S. — Effective immediately, every television station will begin airing a nightly broadcast of The President Trump Happy Fun Variety Hour, as mandated by the Federal Communications Commission (FCC).
Babylon Bee
Democrats Hold Candlelight Vigils For Jimmy Kimmel
LOS ANGELES, CA — Democrats gathered together outside the El Capitan Theatre on Hollywood Boulevard, bearing candles and saying silent prayers on behalf of Jimmy Kimmel, whose show, Jimmy Kimmel Live!, was placed on hold indefinitely.
After Antifa Designated A Terrorist Organization, Trump Orders Drone Strikes On Portland
PORTLAND, OR — In an unprecedented move, President Trump authorized a drone strike on Portland after designating Antifa a terrorist organization.
Dan Brown Releases New Novel Where The Shroud Of Turin Contains A Hidden Code That Explains How To Do The Cracker Barrel Peg Game
U.S. — International bestselling author Dan Brown is inviting readers on another exciting Robert Langdon adventure in which the Shroud of Turin contains a hidden code that explains how to solve the nefarious Cracker Barrel peg game.
People Okay With Murder Outraged By TV Show Cancellation
U.S. — Recent events in American society indicated that the very same people who are okay with murder are also outraged by the cancellation of a TV show.
Study Finds Your Hometown Breakfast Diner Is The Best In The World
U.S. — In some exciting news for your hometown, multiple studies have determined that the little diner you love down the road is the best breakfast place in the world.
JD Vance Takes Over As Host Of ‘Jimmy Kimmel Live!’
HOLLYWOOD, CA — Effective immediately, late night will have a new face, as news broke Thursday morning that Vice President JD Vance had agreed to take over as the host of ABC’s Jimmy Kimmel Live!
The Babylon Bee Is Outraged To Learn Jimmy Kimmel Was Canceled Just For Being MAGA Republican
We are disgusted to learn that Disney has pulled Jimmy Kimmel’s show off the air simply for him being a MAGA Republican.No one has stood for MAGA more than Jimmy Kimmel. Raised by a Republican family in a conservative area, Kimmel embodies everything MAGA stands for. "We are…
‘This Is A Both Sides Issue,’ Says Side That Assassinated Charlie Kirk, Shot President Trump, Tried To Assassinate Kavanaugh, Tried To Assassinate Trump Again, Murdered Schoolkids In Minnesota, Shot Steve Scalise, Firebombed Governor Shapiro (cont’d)
(cont’d) murdered schoolchildren in Nashville, burned an elderly Jewish woman to death in Colorado, murdered a couple at the Jewish embassy in D.C., seized campus buildings and held janitors hostage, assaulted students on campus who appeared Jewish, ambushed ICE officers in Dallas and shot an officer in the…
Idiot Waves You Through Stop Sign When It’s Clearly His Turn
BRANSON, MO — Local man and confirmed idiot Mark Turner waved a driver through the four-way intersection this morning even though it was clearly Turner’s turn to go.