WASHINGTON, D.C. — Following a successful outing as guest host of The Charlie Kirk Show, Vice President JD Vance has decided to leave politics behind and start his very own fan podcast about J.R.R. Tolkien’s The Lord of the Rings.
Babylon Bee
New To Church? Here Are 10 Things You Need To Know
Recent events and turmoil have more people flocking to church now than they have in years, leading to a new wave of visitors who may be unfamiliar with what to expect at church.
Trump Approves Congressional Plan To Get Emotional Girls To All Wear Mood Rings
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump announced his approval for a bold new congressional plan to get emotional girls to all wear mood rings.
Democrats Confused After Seeing Conservatives Hold Weird Molotov Cocktail That Never Explodes
U.S. — With political tensions running at a renewed high since the assassination of Charlie Kirk, Democrats across the country expressed confusion after seeing numerous clips of conservatives holding weird Molotov cocktails that didn’t ever explode.
FBI Debates Whether Or Not They Should Investigate ‘Tranny Terrorist Murder Planning Committee’ Discord Channel
WASHINGTON, D.C. — According to sources, the investigation into the assassination of Charlie Kirk is on hold while federal agents are currently deliberating whether or not to investigate a Discord channel called "Tranny Terrorist Murder Planning Committee".
Wife Disappointed To Learn Husband Doesn’t Actually Have Two Tickets To The Gun Show
FEDERAL WAY, WA — Local wife Kristina Madsen was disappointed to learn over the weekend that her husband didn’t actually have "two tickets to the gun show" as he’d previously asserted.
Fraud Alert Triggered As Wife’s Credit Card Used To Spend Less Than 100 Dollars At Target
EBENSBURG, PA — Local husband Bill Schafer was surprised to learn his debit card had been locked after the bank issued a fraud alert because his wife spent less than $100 at Target.
Gandalf Tells Saruman To Stop Doom-Scrolling On Palantír
ISENGARD — According to reports coming from the tower of Orthanc, Gandalf has told his fellow wizard Saruman to stop doom-scrolling on his palantír.
Scholars Now Believe That The Prodigal Son Returned Home After His Father Changed The Netflix Password
JUDEA — New historical evidence may indicate that the prodigal son returned home after his father changed the Netflix password on him, according to scholars of the ancient world.
Jordan Peele Announces New Movie ‘STICKS’ Where White People Beat Black People With Sticks (The Sticks Are A Metaphor For Racism)
HOLLYWOOD — Comedian and horror auteur Jordan Peele announced his next project will be STICKS, a film where white people beat black people with sticks as a subtle metaphor for racism.