HOLLYWOOD — Comedian and horror auteur Jordan Peele announced his next project will be STICKS, a film where white people beat black people with sticks as a subtle metaphor for racism.
Babylon Bee
Cancel Culture: Leftist Fired Simply For Having A Different Opinion On Whether Conservatives Should Be Murdered
CHICAGO, IL — In what has been described as a disturbing "canceling" trend sweeping across social media, a local leftist was fired from her job simply for having a different opinion on whether conservatives should be murdered.
McGruff The Crime Dog Goes Undercover In Furry Terrorist Cell
U.S. — As federal authorities launched investigations into alleged left-wing extremist groups in the wake of acts of political violence, sources revealed that McGruff the Crime Dog had been enlisted to go undercover in a furry terrorist cell.
Millions Of Christian Extremists Gather To Pray For Those Who Want To Kill Them
U.S. — Reports from across the country reveal millions of Christian extremists gathered in groups this morning to pray for the people who want to kill them.
Democrats Wondering If Maybe They Should Stop Saying The Things Assassins Are Having Engraved On Bullets
U.S. — Democrats have begun wondering if perhaps they should stop saying the sorts of things that assassins engrave on shell casings for when they murder people.
Media Says Motives Unclear of Killer Who Wrote Manifesto Entitled ‘Here Are My Motives’
U.S. — The media has announced that the motives remain unclear of an assassin who wrote a manifesto called "Here Are My Motives."
Entire American University System Officially Designated A Terrorist Organization
U.S. — The entirety of the American higher education system has officially been designated a terrorist organization by the United States federal government.
Universities Quietly Cancel ‘Kill Conservatives 101’ Courses
U.S. — In the days following the assassination of Charlie Kirk, universities across the country were quietly canceling their "Kill Conservatives 101" classes.
‘I Hope Someone Names A Frozen Pizza After Me’ Thinks Red Baron While Being Shot Down In WWI Dogfight
VAUX-SUR-SOMME — New evidence has led historians to suggest that Manfred von Richthofen — known as the "Red Baron" — briefly entertained the hope of someday having a line of frozen pizzas named after him as he was shot down in a World War I dogfight.
‘Ladies And Gentlemen, We Got Him,’ Announces FBI After Killer Turns Himself In
SALT LAKE CITY, UT — Officials from the Federal Bureau of Investigation held a congratulatory press conference on Friday to notify the public that the agency had successfully apprehended the man suspected of murdering conservative activist Charlie Kirk after the shooter turned himself in.