U.S. — Recruitment for the United States Navy has soared overnight after going back to its roots of blowing up pirates.
Babylon Bee
Trump Invites Doubting Democrats To Touch The Hole In His Ear
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Trump laid rumors of health decline to rest yesterday by inviting doubting Democrats to come forward and touch the hole in his ear.
Stubborn Trump Refuses To Admit He’s Dead
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a statement from the Oval Office, President Trump stubbornly refused to admit that he died this past weekend.
Sad: Wife’s Story Once Again Interrupts Lord Of The Rings Soundtrack Playing In Man’s Head
TACOMA, WA — Local husband Jeremy Wright had his internal Lord Of The Rings soundtrack interrupted once again by his wife telling one of her stories about something or whatever.
Woke Jesus Is Now A Web Series!
That lovable ragamuffin Woke Jesus is at it again in a brand-new web series appearing only on Bee Minus. Episodes 1 and 2 are available for free on YouTube, but future episodes will be exclusive to the Bee Minus video platform.
7 Most Dangerous Effects Of Artificial Dyes
RFK, Jr. is on the war path and he’s taking all the artificial food dyes with him. But why? We consulted with the world’s finest doctors to learn why artificial dyes are so dangerous.
Kids Beg Dad To Please Stop Referring To Them As ‘Fruit Of My Loins’
MILES CITY, MT — Three local children reportedly called on their father to please stop referring to them as the fruit of his loins, citing untold embarrassment.
10 Irrefutable Signs Trump’s Health Is Declining
Speculation has been swirling about President Donald Trump’s health, with some people even spreading wild rumors that he died over the weekend. What’s the real story?
Jerry Nadler Forced To Retire From Congress After Being Fully Consumed By His Own Pants
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a day political insiders feared but knew was inevitable, Representative Jerry Nadler was forced to retire from the U.S. Congress after being fully consumed by his own pants.
Pregnant Celebrity Mom Delighted To Announce Unborn Baby Is Trans
BEVERLY HILLS, CA — At a lavish gender reveal party attended by Hollywood elite, a popular young celebrity announced that her unborn baby is trans.