BALTIMORE, MD — As the public debate continued to rage over the Trump administration’s immigration policies, one human trafficker asked for the government to reconsider deporting him on the grounds that it is inhumane to be trafficked to another country.
Babylon Bee
Trump Unveils Giant Cannon For Faster, More Entertaining Deportations
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Trump delighted the nation this week, unveiling plans for a giant cannon that he hopes will facilitate faster, more entertaining deportations.
Taylor Swift Engagement Overturned As Referee Determines Travis Kelce’s Knee Didn’t Touch The Ground
U.S. — Taylor Swift’s love story came to an abrupt end after a referee jumped out of the bushes following her engagement to football player Travis Kelce and overturned the proposal.
British Authorities Arrest St. George For Brandishing Bladed Weapon At Dragon
AMBLESIDE, ENGLAND — British authorities have arrested a man calling himself Saint George after he brandished a dangerous bladed weapon at a local dragon, which was merely minding its own business of terrorizing the local populace.
Genius Trump Enacts Plan To Dumb Down Chinese Population By Inviting Them To Attend American Universities
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In yet another genius move designed to weaken a rival nation, President Donald Trump enacted a plan to dumb down the Chinese population by inviting them to attend American universities.
10 Great Exercises Even Liberals Can Do
New York City mayoral candidate Zohran Mamdani’s viral bench press exhibition has gotten everyone talking about the importance of fitness — no matter what your political affiliation may be. But are there exercises even liberals can do?
Man Fulfills The Great Commission By Occasionally Wearing Novelty Christian T-Shirt In Public
COSTA MESA, CA — A local Christian man was confident that he was likely the cause of periodical resounding celebrations in Heaven, as he proudly fulfilled the Great Commission by occasionally wearing novelty Christian T-shirts in public.
‘Help! I Need A Spotter!’ Cries Mamdani Struggling Under 5-Pound Yoga Dumbbells
NEW YORK CITY, NY — New York mayoral candidate Zohran Mamdani was seriously injured Saturday after getting pinned under a pair of 5 lb. yoga bells at an election event.
Report: Kilmar Abrego Garcia Just One Away From Free Burrito On His Deportation Punch Card
BALTIMORE, MD — As the Trump administration prepared to make another attempt to send a dangerous foreigner with a criminal record out of the country, news broke that Kilmar Abrego Garcia was allegedly just one away from a free burrito on his deportation punch card.
Trump Decrees Anyone Who Does Not Bow Down To The American Flag When The Music Plays Shall Be Tossed Into The Fiery Furnance
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In his latest executive order, President Donald Trump has ordered that anyone who does not bow down to the American flag when the music plays shall be tossed into the fiery furnace.