WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump says that after a brief phone call with the violent storm, Hurricane Erin has agreed to change course away from the United States.
Babylon Bee
California Issues Commerical Driver’s License To Stevie Wonder
LOS ANGELES, CA — The California state government is once again under fire after the revelation it issued a Commercial Driver’s License to famed blind pianist Stevie Wonder.
10 Ways Babies Are Smarter Than Liberals
While babies are undeniably cute, they aren’t too bright. Yet, despite being unable to talk or poo on a potty, babies are still significantly smarter than today’s liberals. Here are ten ways babies are outpacing the libs:
Getting Out Of Hand? Newsom Orders Aide To Shoot Off His Ear
SACRAMENTO, CA — Sources close to Gavin Newsom say that the governor’s Trump imitations may be getting a little out of hand after Newsom ordered an aide to shoot off part of his ear.
Meet Hank, The Autistic Chimpanzee Who Runs Gavin Newsom’s X Account
SAN DIEGO, CA — In a small corner of the San Diego Zoo’s chimpanzee exhibit lies a modest laptop computer that an autistic chimp named Hank uses to run Governor Gavin Newsom’s X account.
God Agrees To Let Trump Into Heaven If He Repents Of His Sin And Trusts In Jesus Christ Alone For Salvation
HEAVEN — Celestial sources report that in response to hearing of President Trump’s hopes for getting into heaven, God has agreed to let Trump into His kingdom if he simply repents of his sin and trusts in Christ alone for his salvation.
Trump To Receive Nobel Prize For Getting Zelenskyy To Wear A Suit
OSLO — The Nobel Committee has officially announced that President Trump will be awarded the prestigious Peace Prize for getting Volodymyr Zelenskyy to actually wear a suit.
10 Questions You Should Be Able To Answer In Order To Vote
With President Donald Trump making election reform a priority, cleaning up the process and determining qualifications for voting are important. Who should vote, and how can it be determined?
Mamdani Rage Quits After Everyone In His SimCity Starves Again
NEW YORK — Mayoral candidate Zohran Mamdani caused a stir this week when he rage quit from a game of Sim City 4 after the residents of his simulated city starved to death again.
Men’s Bible Study Once Again Derailed By Mention Of Nephilim
CHINO HILLS, CA — A men’s bible study was suddenly derailed when one of its members decided that the time scheduled for the study of Romans was the right time to bring up the Nephilim again.