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8 Possible Names For MSNBC’s Exciting New Rebrand
Beleagured cable news channel MSNBC has rebranded itself as MS NOW, but that wasn’t the only new name considered. The executives at NBCUniversal reportedly settled on the new name after whittling down a list of suggestions.
Study Finds Average Parent Spends 92% Of Life In School Pickup Line
WASHINGTON, D.C. — A new study from Pew Research indicates that the average parent spends 92% of his or her life waiting for children in the school pickup line.
Chuck Schumer Said He’s Never Felt In Danger Walking In DC And Neither Have His Ten Bodyguards
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer disagreed with the president’s assessment of D.C., saying he’s never once felt in danger walking the ten minutes it takes to get to his car, and neither have any of his ten bodyguards.
Man Voting For Whichever Political Party Will Get This Video Of The Male Vikings Cheerleaders Off His Social Feed
PRIOR LAKE, MN — Sources close to local man Todd Stevens say the life-long Minnesotan has decided to switch his allegiance to whichever political party will get this video of the male Vikings cheerleaders off his Twitter feed.
Dems Say Mail-In Ballot Ban Will Place Undue Hardship On Dead Voters
WASHINGTON, D.C. — As President Donald Trump continues to hint at taking action to require in-person voting in U.S. elections, Democratic leaders warned that a mail-in ballot ban would place undue hardship on dead voters.
Kids Ministry That Spells ‘Kids’ With A ‘Z’ Gonna Be Absolutely Lit
LITTLE ROCK, AR — According to sources, a local church’s kids ministry spells "kids" with a "z" instead of an "s" at the end, a sure sign that this kids ministry is absolutely lit.
Inappropriate? Zelenskyy Shows Up To Negotiations In Novelty Bikini T-Shirt
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy arrived at the White House today wearing a novelty bikini t-shirt which some are calling inappropriate.
Dallas Cowboys Relieved To No Longer Be Gayest Team In League
FRISCO, TX — After witnessing the debut of the Minnesota Vikings’ new male cheerleaders, the Dallas Cowboys expressed relief that they would no longer be known as the gayest team in the National Football League.
Problems In Middle East Blamed On The 0.3% Of It That Isn’t An Islamic Dictatorship
AMMAN — As experts and diplomats continue to search for the solution to the generations-long conflict in the region, one surprising study has concluded that problems in the Middle East should definitely be blamed on the 0.3% of it that isn’t an Islamic dictatorship.